What do Apple Jack Frosted Kelloggs and the book Undead and Unwed have in common? They both taste good, well initially, but then as you progress through the meal and book the desire to gag seems eminent.

Today, on a cold afternoon I curled up on the couch with this girlie book about a designer shoe-crazy vampire queen and a bowl of frosted Kelloggs that my palette was getting to taste for the first time.

As the sweet taste coated my mouth the beginning lines of the novel teased my mind and engaged my interest. I was instantly reminded me of a Showtime show called Dead like Me. Both the heroines were a pain in the neck who refused to accept the fact they were dead (initially) and their whine-y behavior had those who were trying to help them exasperated beyond the point of human endurance.

 The book is about a rich spoilt brat who loves her designer shoes, hates her job, her home-wrecking step mother but is overall a nice person with a zest for life which she refuses to give up despite being dead and sporting fangs.

She is a Paris Hilton-style Vampire Queen living an undead life in Minneapolis yet her lifestyle and that of the hero’s is akin to that of Charlotte’s from Sex and the City.   

Expensive shoes, Armani suits, mansions and witty dialogues fall stale as the story lacks depth and suspense. A rich girl dies, becomes a vampire who is impervious to stereotypical defenses against the undead like crosses, holy water and has Arnold like strength which we are reminded of chapter after chapter where her gentle shoves cause humans and vampire alike to sail across the room.

She is a foretold queen who has had finally arisen after being bitten by the lowest in the vampire order. No explanation is given as to why she is ‘God’s beloved’ nor as to why. Vampires can drink blood and have simultaneous orgasms with their victims (Was the author trying to promote consensual sex or was she trying to be politically correct? One can only postulate)

The hero, Eric Sinclair is the regular romantic type- tall, dark and handsome . He has the clichéd charismatic Rhett Butler personality and tries to protect the frisky vampire brat from the half hearted clutches of an offended villain whom she had dared to trill at.

The villain, a shabby some four hundred year old fat-ass lacks all the qualities of a sinister anti-Christ. He is the tribal chief who declares an empty fatwa on the Paris Hilton queen, barely features in the book and dies a death far less dramatic than that of a domestic mouse under the broom of a housewife.

As I flipped through the book, the chemical taste of the sweetened cornflakes had me staring at the trash bin wondering whether I should throw the newly opened box in the bin along with the brand new book.

They both deserved the same fate and yet I had spent good money on them. Both were on their way to giving me diabetes - one physical and the other mental.

While the  author has a upbeat style of writing,  uses all the trendy lingo, knows about shoes,  writes hot sex scenes yet she lacks flare when it comes to giving depth to her characters and story line.

The book had come highly recommended to me by my younger sister along with the Apple Jacks and they both sucked.  Unfortunately I cannot return either but I can definitely show my fangs to my sister the next time I meet her and then discuss our favorite designer footwear.