Things That Bang

There was a time when the Indian magazine Debonaire was supposed to be a subdued version of Playboy. It had racy pics (babes always had their scanty clothes on with lewd poses on various bits and pieces of furniture ) and the articles were quite salacious.

But when I picked up the magazine opposite Koshies at the magazine wala who is considered to be one of the hallmarks of Bangalore he had a different story to tell. The magazine had nearly been banned a few years back he told me and Playboy had yet not been able to make an entry into the Indian market.

He took pains to tell me that there was really no freedom of speech or expression in India. He was upset about a lot of things - the banning of the Da Vinci Code in certain states of India, the attacks against Hussein for his paintings and certain magazines becoming more and more like porn and yet others which would get more readership not being allowed into the Indian markets.

I stood under the canopy of his stall and listened to his words and the pitter patter of the torrential Bangalore rain. It all seemed to alien to me at that point. India, despite her call centers and big flashy malls still had long way to go.

The magazine stand guy and I were on the same page. It isnt porn that we are in favor of but the concept of freedom of speech and expression being curbed under the guise of morality. Till the time the stuff is being viewed by adults and does not deal with pedophila or snuff I fail to see how its anyone else's business.

As it is the Bollywood suggestion of sex in the movies is far more vulgar than the act itself. The magazine stall guy continued rant about freedom of expression not existing in India but my interest in his rant began to wane. I began to leaf through the current Debonair and nearly fainted with what I found there- advice about how to deal with one's in laws.

All of sudden, I felt I was reading Women's Era and not a racy magazine. The article talked about loving and respecting one's in laws as they were the husband's parents and that they had brought him into this world. It further went on to state that the hall mark of a strong marriage was mutual trust and respect and attraction in a marriage could be maintained when the foundation was built of love and respect.

Sensible advice but on freakin' DEBONAIR? I was clearly floored. The magazine had degenerated into the worst kind of crap. The editors of the magazine were cleary trying to make it snazzy like Maxim by featuring cars and electronics along with supposedly hot babes and yet keep the moralistic humbugs happy by the auntyji advice.

I found myself picking holes in articles after articles. For example any sexually active person knows that after doggie style penetration vaginal penetration is a no- no for health reasons. But the author of the article on - Seducing A Woman In Style seemed to be a porno fantasy trip of his own when he wrote the article-

So next time you and your girl are about to have sex: Turn her around, hold her wrists behind her back with one hand, and wrap your other hand around her hair, lightly pull her. Penetrate her doggie style. After a few minutes turn her around, place a hand over her neck and pentrate her frantically in the missionary position until you are done.

I nearly burst out laughing as I read that section but what came out was a hiccup. I folded the magazine within my outlook magazine, payed for it and existed.

On leafing through the magazine at home, I felt bad for the Debonair guys- the babes in the magazine were complete sad sacks and the magazine lacked over all gloss and style. Its no wonder that Indian 'racy' mags are doing so badly, lack of funds, lack of good models, the morality watch dogs breathing down their backs and stiff competition for filmy mags with hot stars dressed far more skimply than their two cent models.

Maybe its all for the best that Playboy without a desi version has not made an entry yet into the Indian scene; these guys and their likes would be wiped out.