Burn Out Of Extraordinary Proportions
I hate it when my site shows up blank as if my entire life is one big blank, which obviously it isnt but then a burn out never is a blank, is it? Its got more to do with pushing oneself so far that one little whoosh and the little flame just goes off ever so easily.
A writer's block, burn outs etc are not excuses. Its as if my brain is all wooly, little tendrils of nothingness weaving tight little knotes of terrible stillness. Its a deary existence when I can't pen my thoughts, when I am so exhausted mentally that all I want to do is curl up in my bed and let stagnation comfort me in her soft arms.
But life doesnt stop, the daily grind keeps me busy through the day and yet the feeling of not being in touch with the other realms hiding in my mind makes me feel out of sync, like a duck nostalgically staring at the dried up pond.
Days are blending into one big gigantic happy gooey sundae. There is sunshine, happiness and yet I miss the other worlds that I now live only in my dreams and yet find myself unable to put down in words.
What happened? What malady am I suffering from? Blank like a dumb bimbo unable to express herself and yet I dream fantasically, extraordinarily dark.
Death, gore, people gone crazy, dreams colored with rage of unimaginable proportion that have me waking up with a pounding heart and heaving breath , hoping and praying that none would come true as some dreams have seen the hues of reality and yet others have seen light in words written by me.
But now the dreams dont find their way to paper. They sneer at my attempts and retreat to the subconsious where I fight the demons, the inhuman vices of hatred, genocide and death.
What is my mind trying to tell me? Is it time to write the reality I am trying my best to deny? The cruelty I see on the road, the poverty, the abuse of human and animal alike? Do I tear away the veneer of indifference I have managed to build between me and those who suffer and plunge into their suffering world by virtue of a writer's gift of empathy?
Its like being caught between the devil and the deep blue sea. What do I choose the void of indifference or the vortex of grim reality?
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Comments
If you really had writer's block this post would have been two sentences.
I know what you mean though. (I think). you're writing but not anything of substance, not anything that makes yourself go "WOW."
I don't have writer's block. I do have writer's fatigue. I write articles for a newspaper every week. I do not have the energy most times to then go home and write or write in the morning and then go to work.
Craziness. If you just want to go bullshit crazy on trying to write again, you have my e-mail address.
Posted by: Temple Stark | August 18, 2006 12:58 PM
I did'nt understand a word you said!!!!. Literature major heh!
Posted by: Ranajith Kumar | August 18, 2006 08:10 PM
I think this is a phase everyone goes through.
I end up thinking of these amazing subjects to write on just when I have closed my eyes and am about to sleep, during work, in the bathroom.....!!!
I have finally made brain-storming page on my private wiki, which use as a scratch-pad.
I'm not a hardcore blogger like you, but your erotic stories section is currently my biggest inspiration to go
Posted by: Raseel | August 19, 2006 03:49 AM
Temple, your comment as a post would make a fantastic read for most of us who take journalists and their profession for granted.
Ranajith, consider them to be rambles of a disoriented blogger;)
Raseel, I have just got writely.com. Maybe that would help me flex my mental thoughts and BTW I already have a new erotic story coming up hopefully in a couple of days , stay tuned:)
Ahem, and here is a secret I like to read in the bathroom- its a childhood habit;)
Posted by: Deepti lamba | August 19, 2006 10:27 PM
Hehe.. I cannot take a dump without reading in the bathroom. I mean.... isn't it a waste of time just to sit there doing nothing... without even a TV in front of you :-)
I tried attempting erotica last night. Man... I suck (no pun intended). There were Archie make-out scenes which were better :-)
The struggle continues.
Posted by: Raseel | August 21, 2006 01:38 AM
Request to the moderator,
Hope you understand the situation. Could you partially edit some comments in DC where people's character assasination is taking place.(110 onwards)
Please keep in mind that most of these women are in hiding from their husbands and protecting their only child.
If these men have personal scores to settle, do they have to use DC a public forum. And please dont call it freedom of speech. If that is the case, therefore I ask you to partially delete the comments. These mothers lead a very low profile life and have a ton of things to take care of. The stakes are too high
Hope you would oblige.
Posted by: request | August 21, 2006 02:29 AM
Thank you for the quick response. From all of my group. God bless
Posted by: women | August 21, 2006 02:40 AM
Sorry to bother you:
But comments 100 and 111 still have some personal details.
Delete the wife's comments also if you want.
I know they will call you names that you are bias etc but the stakes are very high and risky for us.
Posted by: Women | August 21, 2006 02:53 AM
Raseel, erotica as I'm sure you know is more than just sex therehas to be a storyline to it. And I'm quite sure you'd get if you'd think first in terms of a story and then insert the sex part into it.
Women, thanks for keeping the moderators on their toes. Just a small request could you put the message in one of later posts as its kind of disorienting for people to continue the conversation on the current post.
Much appreciated
Posted by: deepti lamba | August 21, 2006 05:13 AM
Actually, that was exactly my problem. too much of story and just a sex-scene for namesake.
But I hear ya.
Posted by: Raseel | August 21, 2006 02:19 PM
If it is not too much to ask, can you moderate #83 and 86 from DC. It is all going haywire and once again personal info is being revealed and personal attacks done.
Posted by: woman | October 28, 2006 10:59 AM