Okay, now none of you will laugh! Swear to me not a slight upward twist of the lips. Ahem, here it goes- I want to become a member of our village Panchayat. Sounds crazy doesnt it? But given that we are living so close to metropolitan Bangalore and dont even have the garbabe collection truck coming here or a government bank branch and not to mention water and electricity shortage isnt it high time that instead of whining and bitching I did something about it?

But before that there is hurdle that I need to cross - Learn Kanada and Tamil in a month's time since I am viewed as a northener which is as good as being an alien to our local villagers not to mention to the Panchayat people.

A couple of weeks ago the Panchayat people had sent me off packing when I had gone to complain about the water shortage- Learn Kanada and then talk to us- was said to me in perfect English.

Initially I was miffed- 'What the hell? I'm treated like an alien in my own country' but then on further reflection I realized a number of things.

Their animosity had some validity and the biggest being this shit about having a national language. Come on, who was the dim wit who came up with the idea of having a national bird, national animal or a national language.

In a country which is rich in flora and fauna, where the spoken language changes every few kilometeres why the hell do we need a best in anything especiallylangauge which makes others feel less than equal and breeds animosity?

As it is amongst the villagers I am an alien entity - parading around in my jeans with a diapered kid on my waist, holding a shovel in one hand and perpectually wearing an idiotic smile saying 'Illah Kanada' (Cant speak Kanada) but the worst part is the color of my skin.

Many of my neighbors have admired my 'fair' skin color. The last time I hitched up my jeans till my knees two of my female neighbors gawked and cooed 'Milky white' and I was mortified.

Where was that coming from? I feel like an albino amongst the natives (crass joke but I had to crack it). We converse in sign language, often burst into laughter, get lost in translation but their daily woes make me mad- husbands drink away the women's incomes, kids not attending school, being sick perpectually etc.

So, despite the given differences I keep telling myself that there must be some way I could make some small changes around here without being told that I am northerner who needs to stay out of the village affairs.

Most of all I want a bank in the village for the women folks to save their money, better roads and better hygiene conditions so I dont have to see kiddie butts in the nearby plot taking a dump.