« November 2006 | Main | January 2007 »
What is a man without his clothes? Yummy!! Hanes ad?? The model should have been doing a lap dance at Chip n' Dales or some private gay party but not in the paper's front page;-)
Who in today's day and age wears bikini underwear? Though it does make a good anti-wedgie ad.
Dunno the gender of the cat, only that the Lambas have been adopted officially. He/she hangs around the house early morning demanding a cup of milk (previously it was a mere saucer of milk) and a few cookies.
The Indian state of Madhya Pradesh is thinking about adopting a family plan conceived in Pakistan of distributing condoms at the mosques.
"What comes in the way of family planning is ignorance and not religion. The community should come out of darkness. The state government would follow the example of Pakistan, which has reportedly decided to distribute contraceptives at mosques and involve clerics in spreading family planning awareness", state Health Minister Ajay Vishnoi said.
Vishnoi said the program was inspired in part by a book by Muzaffar Hussain, called "Census Islam and Family Planning," which argues that family planning is compatible with Muslim values.
Some 10,000 copies of the book will be distributed by the government free of charge so that "the message of family planning reaches the people," Vishnoi said.
Maybe they should slip some condoms in the Holy Book. Yeah, crass joke but it goes to show that the one thing pious Muslim men aren't supposed to have on their minds while bowing in front of Allah is bonking the begums.
Should there be any reason for me to gutter talk the philanthropic acts of the gorgeous Brangelina? So what if the couple spent their Christmas distributing gifts to some refugees in Costa Rico. They want to incur some good publicity karma and we should be nice, rather wise, enough to ignore their 'celebrity' efforts to empathize with the down trodden.
Steve tagged me so here goes
The Six Weirdest Things About Me-
I like to check myself out in mirrors- Yeah, yeah call me a narcissist but its a habit I've had since I was a tiny tot.
I'm still scared of the dark- I hate being alone at night. The house makes it usual house sounds and I keep a ear out for any kind of unnatural noises. Again its a childhood habit.
I'm a loner- Apart from my immediate family I don't like talking to the same person on the phone more than twice in a week.
I'm most energetic after sex- It really is weird but post sex I'm all clear eyed and bushy tailed;-)
I hate losing things- Even the smallest item lost has to be found within ten minutes else the house turns into a disaster zone
I don't like to forget songs- I can spend days together wondering about a song till it would play in my mind. My longest wait lasted for over a month till I remembered an old Hindi Song.
People Tagged
Radmila
Temple
Temporal
Aaman
Sujatha
Laks
As a rule I don't open pictures sent to me on my asstr email id since asstr is ridden with the worst kind of spam possible and many a times people send gross snaps. Unfortunately this time round against my better judgment I opened a pic which seemed to be from a fellow asstr writer I had corresponded with a few months back.
The sender's name had seemed familiar till I opened the mail and realized that though the name was familiar to me but for the wrong reasons.
The reason stared at me in all its horrific pinkie nakedness. The penis belonged to a dimwit who wrote for literotica.com and he had an affliction to sit naked in front of his web cam.
His fetish was to catch the literotica authors by surprise by showing his pee-pee if they decided to have a webcam conversation with him. I had been victim number ten till I was told that it was nothing new, he had done it to countless others- men and women alike.
Today when I saw his Santa dressed penis(the Santa was beneath his penis) on my screen I felt like sending him a mail describing the excruciating castration that needed to be done to his manhood to teach him a few lessons on net etiquettes.
Despite being net savvy for over fifteen years I can't believe I fell for the same shit again. Bloody bastard needs therapy.
PS: I had been told that the file was clean by yahoo, so much the filth that get through despite the best precautions taken:(
Those who are naughty may not have received gifts from Santa this year but the Korean government is giving out gifts to those who pledge not to visit brothels this New Years. Many are offended by the government's blatant attempts to stop the Korean men from sowing their oats and wonder whether pledges based on such materialistic external factors would help people break old habits.
When I drive my fifteen years old Maruti 800 I feel like a goon rapaciously plundering an aged whore. The car, bless her mechanical dying soul, has been resuscitated more times than I care to remember by Good Samaritan motorists and has been my mode of transportation for me for past six months since our return from the US.
Due to my fear of big cars I don't like to drive Aaman's swanky new Esteem. It’s too big, though in American terms it’s a med sized car, less squeezable through heavy traffic and way too low on the road.
My old lady, on the other hand, needs a complete overhaul, starting with fresh paint, new tires, battery, radiator, leather seats and the list goes on but driving her rattling body makes me feel like the queen of the road for I can accomplish all my tasks from being a mom collecting her kid from school, buying groceries, meeting clients or just driving into the city to enjoy some 'me' time.
But for all my gratitude and appreciation towards her generally compliant service I hate her! The car has a sneaky habit of getting back at me by breaking down at all the wrong moments, at traffic light signals, just when I’d be pulling out of a parking lot (which happened today at Russell Market) or give me the silent treatment by not starting at all.
And I would be left at the mercy of nearby motorists who may or may not be willing to help me out. Generally, however, Bangaloreans have been a kind lot to me and got the moody bitch revving her engines within an hour or so with a polite request that I dump her and get a safer mode of transportation.
Our mechanic shop knows the car and me well.
“Mrs Lamba, you’re back, again. Why don’t you get a new car?”
Sure, a new car would solve my problem but buying two new cars in the same year goes against my pragmatic soul that believes in saving. Why get an expensive whore when the old is still functioning?
I’m behaving like a pimp bent on making his last buck from his whore but, then, all said and done, for all my false bravado and attitude of taking undue advantage of Bangalorean kindness, the car needs to be put to pasture and I need a freakin’ new car!
A husband is like a fire, he goes out when unattended.
- Evan Esar
Brits and Paris have ended their sordid affair. No more partying for Brits, its strictly career time but her behavior makes one wonder how some mommies tend to love their kids like neglected pets albeit with a few feeders around to ensure the animals ...ahem...kids don't die of starvation or something.
Though most mothers would jump in front of a speeding train to save their kids there are those who continue to have a careless attitude towards their kids. My part-timer lost her six month old baby last month and had gone back to her village for the necessary ceremonies.
The infant had been left with her mother in law while she worked in a garment factory in Bangalore and in the evenings she cleaned my house.
The news of her child's death came as a shock to us but we couldn't go over to her house to offer our condolences since she had gone back to her village to bury her baby.
A few weeks passed without any sign of her but last night she came over to get her month's pay. As she walked in I wondered how I would offer my condolences. As a mom I couldn't imagine the sense of loss she must have been feeling.
When we came face to face I was shocked at her appearance. Instead of a grieving mother I saw a bejeweled dusky beauty standing before me. She was bright eyed, healthy and cheerful and I was speechless.
How was I to comfort a mother whose sense of loss wasn't all that much? I offered my condolences. She told me her daughter had high fever coupled with diarrhea, the family got her a shot and kept giving her Seralac but she kept pooping and died on the way to the hospital.
I couldn't believe my ears that the little one had died because of something so easily preventable. The baby should not have been given Seralac but water mixed with sugar and salt and most importantly admitted in a hospital.
As I payed her salary she told me that she didn't like to think about her younger daughter. It made her sad but life had to go on and she along with it.
Before she left she asked me if she could start working again and I agreed.
As I closed the door behind her I couldn't come to terms with her resilience against grief. I didn't want to judge her love for her dead baby but the way she had so easily shrugged off the tragedy made me realize that some people are just not made to be parents.
Boo-Hoo, Angelina Jolie can't take her kids to Disneyland but doesn't think twice about adding more to her gilded cage. Her adoption addiction has become quite the trend in Hollywood. Well truly speaking adopting non- white babies is 'the' trend in 'white' America. Now, don't go raising your red and blue hackles on me for speaking the truth.
The number of South- Asian or Far East kids that I had seen with Caucasian parents in malls had been kind of disconcerting. I had even happened to meet a nice South Asian gal who was brought up by Polish parents but knew nothing of her ancestral roots. She did feel out of sorts for not having explored her heritage.
In Australia during the sixties and seventies the kids of native aborigines were brought up by whites. While most thought they were doing those brown kids service by civilizing them yet it had immense negative repercussions on the psyche of those kids.
The intention of parents who adopt internationally is generally honorable and their desire to bring up kids as their own is sincere yet isn't it their duty to acquaint the little ones with their heritage?
And shouldn't there be a rule to stop celebrities from collecting kids the way we collect CDs or figurines?
I really should not make it into a big deal but a little while ago when my maid went out to have her lunch I forgot to lock the main gate. A few minutes later a man opened the gate and sneaked in and as he slowly approached the main door I let out a loud- WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?? and that too in English.
The fellow stopped and eyed me. I did the foolish thing of opening the door, stepping out and screamed even louder - GET OUT OF MY HOME.
He backtracked and I chased him out mad as hell.
When he was out and the gate was locked only then did I realize that I had been empty handed and alone with my two little ones. It was then that the gravity of the situation hit me. He could have taken me on but thankfully he wasn't sure whether I was alone in the house since I had placed most of our shoes outside to get rid of the leather smell.
Here, in South India its a custom to take off one's shoes before entering into a residence and there were ten pairs of formal and informal men's shoes lying outside the entrance along with three of my sandals.
My maid returned and when she got to know she brandished my meat knife and told me that she would have carved the fellow like a plump rooster. But, by then, my sense of security was gone. Its time to get an alarm system and a nice golden retriever.
It has recently come to light that in Ukraine stem cells may have been taken from live babies. BBC News has a disturbing video footage of postmortem pictures of tiny bodies and further investigation revealed that many mothers complained that their newborns had been taken by the maternity staff.
The dismemberment of bodies is not a general practice and it has been alleged that it was being practiced to harvest stem cells from the bone marrow.
A man's heart may be through his stomach but in all likelihood it would kill his libido. A recent article in Forbes discusses the effect food has on sexual appetite, the means of improving one's sex life vis-a-vis a good balanced diet, exercising, trying out new sex products in the market ( though studies have shown them to have mere placebo effect in general) and in case of grave sexual dysfunction go to a therapist which obviously means really speaking sex begins in the mind.
Which brings me to a romantic movie, The OH in Ohio, which isn't a chick flick and deserves to be watched by all sexually active adults.The central theme of the movie is frigidity which holds the heroine back not only in bed but in her day to day living as well.
The movie is fast paced and amusing. Set in Cleveland amidst a couple actively pursuing the American Dream, it provides a glimpse of middle-class life with all it's joys and viscissitudes. Priscilla is at the top of her career and has an outwardly successful life and happy marriage, having been married for ten years. She suffers from a sexual dysfunction, however, namely, the inability to achieve orgasm. After visiting a therapist with her disgruntled husband Priscilla discovers the joys of a vibrator alone and inevitably loses her husband to a younger woman. Despite being able to achieve multiple orgasms using the vibrator she realizes the need for a living partner and her hunt leads her to the swimming pool constructor (Danny De Vito) who makes up for his physical shortcomings with a quirky yet mature personality and because of it gets to keep the girl in the end.
There are numerous layers to the movie which hold true to life. For example if the plumbing down below is in a good enough condition then the clogging inevitably is at the source which is the mind is generally an accepted fact. Even today for many women sex continues to be a dirty word, a duty to be fulfilled grudgingly or feel awkward when it comes to feelings of sexual inadequacy which is a problem common to men and women alike.
A sex survey conducted by Outlook Magazine in India reached the following conclusion - "Virginity, commitment-phobia, pornography and reluctance towards oral sex still dominate women's sexual confessions about men. But what's undeniably changing is the belief of both sexes in the equality of the new, emerging equations."
Exploring one's sexuality is still considered a taboo in most societies. In her exploration Priscilla tries lesbianism but comes to the conclusion that despite bedding numerous people the spark continued to elude her as she was unable give in to the moment and let herself go when the little death took hold of her.
Therein lies the central theme of the movie - We are at our most vulnerable at that last orgasmic moment. Stripped of the civilized veneer we become one with the universe, when the words, 'Was it as good for you as for me' no longer sound corny and most importantly we are on the same mental level with our partners as was Priscilla with Wayne the Pool guy when she experienced her first orgasm.
When my first baby was born my mother had rattled off all the does and don't that I had to note down as a new mom. The most important thing she told me was to sit next to my infant son's car seat at the back and if there was no one around to chauffeur then to take the public transport. She had been horrified when my newborn's head had rolled forward. She had rested his head to the side and grumbled that the little one would have problem breathing.
Today the wisdom behind my mother's words came back to me when I read this news piece on BBC:
Babies should not be left asleep in car seats unchecked because there is a risk they will stop breathing, warn experts.The British Medical Journal study authors say modifying car safety seats so a baby's head does not flop forward could help avoid the risk.
..allowing a baby to fall asleep restrained in a relatively upright position could be lethal, the New Zealand researchers warn. .....The investigators reconstructed the scene, using the infants' own car seat, to establish the precise position of each baby when the event occurred.
They found the babies' heads tended to loll forwards, pressing the jaw into the chest, which made it harder for them to breathe.
There are certain toys that do have a wee bit of Chucky spirit in them. My son has a dancing Elmo that plays on its own in the middle of the night, a snail that used to blink and a robot that used to remind us that it was dying a neglected death but why in the middle of the night?
Things tend to magnify at night but its rather weird to see things falling or coming to life for no sane reason. Things do bang at night but for all my paranormal beliefs I tend to disregard weird stuff except for that crappy Elmo that has come to India with us all the way from Milwaukee.
Damn that freakin' toy, it went off a few minutes ago thus the quick post!
Janet Jackson must have breathed a sigh of relief in these past few days. The flashing of Britney's Wa-Wa no longer has us Wawaing. Britney seems to have lost her 
Deepti Lamba is an aspiring writer and an editor for Desicritics. She can be found at Things That Bang and at Suspended Moments
