Things That Bang

Aayan got through a much sort after school all on his own merit. His 'observation and interaction' (here, in India schools are no longer allowed to interview kids for admissions) went well. We told him to go through a fenced in area where we parents weren't allowed. Some kids dawdled and cried but Aayan walked in, he was a little insecure, I could make out from the way his little arms were stretched out but he hadn't complained , he had just walked in with a little fear in his heart but doing what his mama told him to do- Going in and meeting his new teachers.

And today when we met the board member we were told that he was outstanding in his 'Observation'. I saw the papers in which Aayan had scribbled and colored flutter through his fingers. He was in and we didn't need to go hunting for other schools.

There was relief and a bit of amusement. He was happy to leave the small boys school and join the big boys school. He was totally detached about not being part of his play school. There were no tears, just a shrug and a move on attitude.

He certainly is his mama's boy- The move on attitude makes us a sturdy bunch!!

Posted by Deepti Lamba at 11:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

There are men and women who consider homemakers to be a little above parasites. They believe that homemakers tend to gossip over endless cups of teas, wear all their jewelry to kitty parties and turn into fat nagging hags and the myth continuous to rear its ugly head time and time again in magazines and newspapers. People tend to ask women innocent questions like- So what do you do? Oh, you are a homemaker, so how do you fill your time?

My standard reply is – I gorge on food, become fatter than a hippo, nag my husband since I’m a mindless shrew and spend most of my time comparing my jewelry to that of the lady sitting next to me in a Card’s party.

Obviously, any individual who asks me this question tends to backtrack realizing that asking a homemaker, nowadays, how she fills her time is akin to putting their hand in basket of poisonous cobras.

This is the flip side of feminism where those who continue to be homemakers are considered to be unproductive members of the society where as those who bring in a second income are considered to be equal to their male counterparts.

Previously a woman’s identity was tied to her home and income of her husband but today it is tied to the job she does. Unfortunately what society continues to fail to realize is that identity has nothing to do with the job a person does or the person one is married to but it is tied to how emotionally, mentally stable an individual is or whether the person is at ease with who they are.

A homemaker, well, at least an ideal homemaker, is a woman who treats her home as a job she has to excel at. Whether she has servants or not to do her bidding or a tuition sir to educate her kids, she is the queen of her hearth and her job is to provide a haven where the family members return to be refreshed before facing the rigors of the outside world.

She is supposed to be the balm on the souls of her family, it is her job to nourish them physically and spiritually and it isn’t an easy job. Obviously, there are those who fail at it, heck, there are career women who are lousy at their jobs but being the pivotal nurturing member responsible for family stability is a chore that cannot be taken lightly or pooh- poohed as done by society.

Putting all the ‘isms’ aside (yes, I am talking about feminism here and sense of identity clash in the minds of women) what is important is to ensure the survival of the family unit which is no different from the cave man days. The two mates in the past had to ensure that their kids survived to be adults and became productive members of the family and community and so is the case now.

The difference between being the breadwinner or the nurturer is hardly of any importance when it comes down to ensuring the survival of a balanced family in today’s world. Whether the woman is a career-oriented woman trying to do a balancing act between her career and family or a housewife whose sole purpose is to be ‘there’ 24/7 for her family the important thing is to realize that life is all about choices and there are no martyrs no matter which path we women may choose.

Today’s housewives/homemakers have home businesses where they turn their hobbies into their profession- women who run boutiques from home, some have cleaning agencies, some make tiffins for bachelors and then there is the new breed that blogs and some even make tons of money at online auctions.

There are ample ways of filling one’s time and making a living from it while being at home. That’s what home businesses are all about.

My point, however, remains that we should not buy into any of the ‘isms’ or old notions of what a woman’s identity should be. It isn’t related to the work that she does either at home or in the world but with the kind of person she is and the value she adds to the world she lives in.

Posted by Deepti Lamba at 04:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

A Chinese mother decided to show her body to her son while instructing him on sex education. Obviously she has raised the hackles of the medical profession who believe she could have used better methods.

Like I said before some people are just not fit to be parents.

Posted by Deepti Lamba at 09:49 AM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

Today at a mall in Bangalore we got into a tiff with a wacko couple. The woman was hanging her kid over the railing of the second floor, trying to get the one year old to grab a tassel that was hanging outside the rail.

We were on our way down the escalator when we saw the mother dip the kid out once, twice and then by the third time the kid nearly grabbed the tassel and we had our hearts in our mouths. If you want to imagine the scene, think of the 'Michael Jackson fiasco' at close range.

On reaching the retard mother, Aaman told her to – ‘Fucking stop tipping the child overboard’ and the fight began. The dimwit had the audacity to turn around and say that we should take care of our own kids and not care about others and that the kid was in 'safe hands'.

Right! The fight got bigger. The male psychopath grabbed Aaman and screamed’ Take them away or else I will kill them” The woman screamed “I want them out…throw them out!” I screamed back – “You were endangering your child’s life” The man tried to hit Aaman but the mall guards intervened, the people on the mall ogled and it became a big fiasco.

We tried to walk away when the mall security realized that the other couple was in the wrong but they followed us screaming “How dare you use abusive language”

I got mad and turned back and called the woman “A bitch” What I should have said was that our language was the least of the problems but the woman endangering the kid’s life was the bigger issue.

The woman heard me call her a bitch and created a bigger shit. “Don’t you dare let them go…blah …blah …blah …” She went on screaming.

I was near the elevator but decided to get back into the fight but Aaman pushed me back, so did the moron’s husband.

And an even more hilarious conversation took place

Aaman: “I apologize for the language but your wife …...”

The woman: “She called my mother a bitch!”

Me: “Your mother? I called you a bitch!”

Psycho husband: “You wife has a foul tongue”

Aaman: “Dee stay at the back, your wife had no business hanging the kid over a second floor railing!”

Psychopath husband: “Fine, I understand your concern but you could have been polite about it. My child was in safe hands, the kid wouldn’t have dropped the child. I am a surgeon I have saved numerous lives and know that my child was safe.”

That’s when I realized how futile the whole exercise was. One would expect a surgeon to have more sense. I hope I'm never under his knife:) We backed out and their parting shot was hilarious- “Bring your kids up the right way!”

I felt like replying- Ya, right! We won’t be hanging our kids off any railings!

But then felt it would be like barking back at a rabid dog.

Just because one can get society’s stamp of marriage, get fucked and then produce does not make people parents.

One would expect a mother to be always thinking of things that can go wrong. Parenting two active children has meant a constant flurry of keeping sharp pencils away and walking with the child on the 'safe' side of the road, besides a constant 'what-if' mode of risk assessment. The fear of heights is an atavistic instinct, and 'safe hands' do not make a reckless act any more tolerable.

And those who stood by and watched the circus were no less. It all happened in a crowded mall with lots of witnesses but we were the only ones who objected. A child could have died but no one seemed to care.

This is the state of my country and I am upset about it. The ‘chalta hai’ attitude gets to me. The Noida killing of children barely fluttered the feathers of the public opinion, the mauling and death of an eight year old child by a pack of dogs again merely made headlines and slipped way instead of people protesting about the law that allows strays to roam our streets.

This lethargic attitude of ‘minding one’s own business’ when something criminal is going on right under one’s nose should not be tolerated.

The mall security guy motioned us to leave in between the fight instead of calling the cops to arrest the couple for reckless endangerment and that’s when I realized that in India nobody really cares what happens to little ones.

Parents beat their kids up black and blue, mentally torture them and act as if the act of giving birth gives them ownership over the little ones.

We parents are guardians of these precious souls, not owners and if I had to intervene all over again I would do it again but with a different line. I would have told that woman that she gave motherhood and us women a bad name.

Posted by Deepti Lamba at 08:37 PM | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBacks (0)

Richard Gere kept himself occupied by shouting "No Condom No Sex" in a sex workers rally in Mumbia, India. Though some might consider this a wasteful propaganda with Indian men having 'mass' aversion towards condoms but there has been a ray of hope with female condoms finally entering the Indian market and becoming highly popular.

Posted by Deepti Lamba at 09:37 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

James Brown has yet to be buried, maybe he should be granted sainthood and embalmed;)

Posted by Deepti Lamba at 06:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

I don't like to open forwards and despite telling all the dear ones not to spam me with the 'feel good spam' the deluge continues. This is the kind of stuff that makes me wanna throw up and BTW I prefer the 'cum spam' any day to these 'pearls of fucking wisdom':

Enjoy Being A Woman

A young wife sat on a sofa on a hot humid day, drinking iced tea and visiting with her Mother. As they talked about life, about marriage, about the responsibilities of life and the obligations of adulthood, the mother clinked the ice cubes in her glass thoughtfully and turned a clear, sober glance upon her daughter.

"Don't forget your Sisters," she advised, swirling the tea leaves to the bottom of her glass.

"They'll be more important as you get older. No matter how much you love your husband, no matter how much you love the children you may have, you are still going to need Sisters. Remember to go places with them now and then; do things with them. "Remember that 'Sisters 'means ALL the women... your girlfriends, your daughters, and all your other women relatives too."You'll need other women. Women always do."

What a funny piece of advice!' the young woman thought. Haven't I just gotten married? Haven't I just joined the couple-world? I'm now a married woman, for goodness sake! A grownup! Surely my husband and the family we may start will be all I need to make my life worthwhile!'

But she listened to her Mother. She kept contact with her Sisters and made more women friends each year. As the years tumbled by, one after another, she gradually came to understand that her Mom really knew what she was talking about. As time and nature work their changes and their mysteries upon a woman,Sisters are the mainstays of her life.

After more than 50 years of living in this world, here is what I've

learned:

THIS SAYS IT ALL:

Time passes.

Life happens.

Distance separates.

Children grow up.

Jobs come and go.

Love waxes and wanes.

Men don't do what they're supposed to do.

Hearts break.

Parents die.

Colleagues forget favors.

Careers end.

BUT.........

Sisters are there, no matter how much time and how many miles are between you.

A girl friend is never farther away than needing her can reach.

When you have to walk that lonesome valley and you have to walk it by yourself,the women in your life will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the valley's end.

Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk beside you...Or come in and carry you out.

Girlfriends, daughters, granddaughters, daughters-in-law, sisters,sisters-in-law, Mothers, Grandmothers, aunties, nieces, cousins, and extended family, all bless our life!

The world wouldn't be the same without women, and neither would I.

When we began this adventure called womanhood, we had no idea of the incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead. Nor did we know how much we would need each other.

Every day, we need each other still.

Pass this on to all the women who help make your life meaningful. I just did.

Short and very sweet:

There are more than twenty angels in this world. Ten are peacefully sleeping on clouds. Nine are playing. And one is reading her email at this moment.

Send this message to 10 of you friends, including me. If you get 5 replies, someone you love will surprise you.

Thanks for being a sister and friend!

Posted by Deepti Lamba at 03:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)

It seems to be a trend now days to resurrect the dead. After the movie Woh Lamhe came the article on Parveen Babi in the magazine Society followed by yet another article in Stardust, a magazine on Bollywood gossip, which drew similarities between the erstwhile tragic heroine and Sushmita Sen.

The article in the magazine was offensive in its content for it suggested that, like Parveen Babi, not only does Sushmita Sen have a bad taste in men (who use her like a stepping stone to further their careers), but also that she suffers from 'emotional' paranoia which is a ludicrous comparison since Parveen Babi suffered from Schizophrenia:

Somewhere during the course of this began Sushmita's paranoia that someone around her would not allow this to happen (Manav Menon's divorce). And so, in a fit of unpredictability she sacked her entire staff, including her loyal associate, Neelam, who she had treated like a sister all along... The fear that those close to her would rip her off of her emotional and financial assets apparently made her insecure……

I still remember my only meeting with Parveen Babi when she stepped into the 'Stardust' office and told me how the CIA and KGB were out to get her and Lady Diana; and the latter had been a victim and it was upto us to save her. It was just then that the cold drinks came in and Babi insisted that her’s be opened in front of her, as it might have been poisoned!

There is a big difference between sacking your entourage, which may have been sponging off your finances and being totally loco as Parveen had become.

Unlike Stardust which doesn't make bones about being a salacious, offensive gossip magazine, Society, on the other hand did a more tasteful article on Parveen Babi. We were given a glimpse of her life in Junagadh, a small town in Gujrat.

Manjari Bhatnagar did a compassionate article based on her interview with Parveen Babi's nephew Shamsher. According to Shamsher Parveen was a wild yet compassionate woman taken for a ride by the men in her life

He spoke about Bhatt's new film, Who Lamhe, that's supposed to be on the filmmaker's relationship with Parveen.

It is a rubbish representation of her life. Mahesh Bhatt should not have done this to her. When he was involved with her, he was a nobody; no one knew him. He has fed off her and should not have given a wrong portrayal of her life. Parveen’s mom used to say that Mahesh Batt and Ved Sharma have eaten a lot of her money. She also told us often that Parveen had purchased houses for them and Danny Dengzongpa. These people ruined her…..

The author of the article then wondered about the scenes in the movie Woh Lamhe where the heroine's mom asks her daughter why the Rs Two lakh had a few notes less. Wasn't the yesteryear's actress' mother shown as a stingy and money crazy woman? Shamsher argues that had money been more dear to Parveen's mom, she would never have been devastated by the sudden and mysterious disappearance of her daughter.

For a long time she did not know that her daughter was in the US. She thought Parveen was in Pune at the Osho Ashram. She got to know about the disappearance about seven months later… When the newspaper carried reports of a girl’s body and said Parveen had died, her mom almost died. But then, we got to know through a common friend that she had seen her in America. That was a reprieve for her.

The article provides insider details about her declining health due to diabetes and mental problems and yet tried to show a woman with a heart of gold battling the world within her mind and that around her.

The movie Woh Lamhe was criticized by Vinod Pande as well who preferred Arth. Here is what he said in his interview about Woh Lamhe in Society:

I am not very happy at the way Mahesh Bhatt has potrayed her in Woh Lamhe…It's an exploitative exercise and a form of self flattery. Parveen was not a hollow or pulverized woman. There was a lot of substance to her…

Vinod Pande's scathing comment reflected the crux of the movie where Mahesh Bhatt seemed to 'justify' his actions by showing that the director tried to save his heroine from herself but even in his loss she lived in his heart. What baloney! The dialogues in the movie were trite; the actors tried their best to neutralize their accents when they spoke in English but the vernacular twangs took away the emotional effects of the highly charged scenes and had me smirking instead of being in puddles of tears.

The production quality of the movie was good. The outfits barely held together and the muck applied on the heroine’s face would have any bride to be squirm in horror.

The likes of Parveen Babi, Rekha and Zeenat Amaan were daring women who thumbed their noses at the prevailing social conventions by taking up roles that were in direct contrast to the 'sati savitri' roles women played during the 70's.

It was a time when feminism was its peak, when women were shedding their inhibitions, testing their limits, spreading their wings and willing to live lives shunned by society. In the long run they paid dearly for their lifestyles while their male counterparts seemed to have made successful names for themselves even in their declining years.

Such is the dichotomy of life in Bollywood where heroines are easily replaceable, forgotten and resurrected only to squeeze some extra bucks.

It, therefore, comes as no surprise that Sushmita has been painted black for not playing to their tunes. There have been numerous labels pinned on her by those holding the 'moralistic poison pen' while excusing the men in her life by calling her promiscuous man eater, home breaker etc.

The latest label of comparing her to Parveen holds true only to the extent that, like Parveen, she has the right to hate Bollywood since it is a place where one has to constantly watch one's back, where back stabbing, double standards and exploitation is the accepted norm.

Posted by Deepti Lamba at 03:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Cocaine is God's way of saying that you're making too much money.
- Robin Williams

Posted by Deepti Lamba at 07:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I don't like to discuss my marriage - not because it's in doldrums but because I am so insanely happy that some of my friends wink and put their fingers in their mouth and then grin at me. I am one of those who have been silenced by the suffering masses shackled in loveless relationships. It isn't easy to sit quietly and not wonder out loud why they were not able sit down and communicate with each other, why they let the daily grind quietly rip them apart or create so much ill will that they now don't think twice about bitching to the world about the wrongs done to them.

And, then, there are those who quietly lick their wounds in silence and to those my heart goes out. They are the ones who put up happy faces knowing that misery loves company but the company would rather attend a swinging party. It's with them that I prefer to be, with them I like to share retrospective cups of tea as we go down the painful by lanes while discussing the weather, movies or children. There are those painful silences that are abruptly put aside with mock gay smiles or the questions answered about what makes marriages work hopeful that the next round would treat them better.

Obviously, I don't have all the answers as to why my marriage works while theirs failed; all I can offer is that I got lucky by some freak chance and the embittered and the saddened alike laugh when I tell them that. To say that one's met their Prince Charming is obviously gag worthy but it holds true for me. I did not want a tall handsome dashing guy but one that liked books, animals, people and was even tempered since I'm slightly high strung and the day I met my husband it felt right and it still does after six years of marriage.

Too mushy? You bet, which is why I generally don't like to talk about the man I am married to. When my friends bitch about their spouses, I remember the times he stood by me, when he trudged in a blizzard to get my medications or stayed by my side during the birth of my kids.

We tend to impress people with our oneness - completing each other's sentences while talking to people, listening to the same kind of music, watching movies late into the night, discussing everything under the sun and playing our favorite game – Monopoly – with our friends which I tend to lose every time.

Like all couples we tend to fight once in a while, snap at each other, become some what rude towards each other, nip at each other's heels over small things but then forget about it just as easily. We tend to joke that we take each other for granted like siblings do and not like old married couples since there are no scores to be settled.

Our marriage has become like the soft old sock that one can't do without during those cold wintry nights. Or like a child and the worn out ear bitten teddy bear. It has a sense of permanence to it, a sense of security, warmth and most importantly a sense of being wanted. Which, now that I think of it, seems to be the key factor in building a lasting happy marriage.

Posted by Deepti Lamba at 11:52 AM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)