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There is something so cleverly adult about Calvin and Hobbes humor except when you see someone actually remake Calvin and Hobbes Snowmen it is then that it hits a sane person that if 'the apple of the parent's eye' actually did those nasty things to the Snowman that Calvin did then the likelihood that the kid would grow up to be the next Hannibal would be surefire!
Bahhhh!!!! we lost the cricket match against Sri Lanka and the team will be coming back home all glum. Ah well, Shit happens.
In other news Sanjaya is still prancing is pansy butt around on American Idol and Mel Gibson shows his bullying mentality yet again at an online screening campus where he exchanged 'heated' words with a professor over his movie "Apocalypto"
Its kinda old news but I agree with Asian Sex Gazette that Yukiko Kimura is one of the hottest Naked News Flash girls around. She genuinely seems to be interested in sports and er...who am I kidding ...those tits barely jiggled even though she was waving her arms around a lot!!
She's hot and must watch just not at your offices;)
Somebody please lend Naomi Campbell a French maid costume instead of a bland service uniform. Her tush probably looks real cute wriggling and jiggling while she mops the floor and cleans those nasty sticking toilet cubicles. Fantasy time over. I'm not a fan of that scrawny arse especially when the owner is an obnoxious supermodel who uses 'abandonment issues' to excuse her shrewish temperament.
'Daddy left me' boo-hoo, cut the crap Naomi! So what your daddy left you while you were a tot, worse shit has happened to people! Some have shitty childhoods and grow up to look like Rosie O Donnell or Oprah Winfrey but you got looks, money and a shitty temper that has landed your ass in the toilet.
Unfortunately, the circus cannot be viewed by the media, hence news travels outside the lavatories. No peeking allowed inside and in case some John wants to use the New York Rubbish Depot he might just find his wildest fantasies come true with Naomi knocking on his cubicle and asking 'Are you done sir? Can I clean up behind you?'.
Here is what Albert Durrell, a Sanitation Department spokesman said "If the toilets require to be cleaned, she will clean them along with her co-workers. She will be sweeping along the garage floor, sweeping the offices. We also have locker rooms, bathrooms; she will be cleaning, mopping. We have windows that need to be cleaned so she'll be doing some of that."
It all seems to be out of a porno film, start the music and lets feel up the lowly humps.
The cause for landing up with this nauseating punishment was for assaulting her housekeeper, Ana Scolavino with a Black Berry over a pair of jeans.
Once she pleaded guilty the judge sentenced her to five rigorous days of janitor duties at a local NY dump.
Sadly, the woman would be working like an illegal immigrant for only three more days and will then head back to her fluffy existence and continue throwing tantrums in her Barbie house and on snotty runways.
I hate reading newspapers or even subscribing to news online but being a world citizen I read more out of duty than curiousity and what comes my way makes the reading more a chore than a relaxed venture. Lately, however, I have begun to look for hope in the news especially online to hearten my day.
Here are a few news item that brighten my day:
Afghan villagers stand guard over schools: After a village school had been burned down the village elders decided to take matters in their own hands and protect their children's future- the schools.
Local authorities say that this was Afghanistan's first community-sponsored school-watch program. In the intervening year, the Afghan Department of Education has championed the idea nationwide in an effort to maintain what has been, in many respects, the government's most celebrated success: bringing education to Afghanistan – and especially to girls.
"Education has a special importance in Afghanistan, and that is what our enemies know," says Mohammad Patman, Afghanistan's deputy minister of education.
GM mosquito could spell doom for the malaria gene- I had lost my grandpa to Celeberal malaria and my aunt had also suffered from it. Though we Indians have managed to deter small pox, cholera and polio yet malaria seems to have eluded various efforts but scientists have come up with a mosquito that is malaria resistant and by introducing it in the wild they hope to take the risk out of the mosquito sting if you catch my drift.
The insect carries a gene that prevents infection by the malaria parasite.
Details of the work by a US team appear in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences journal.
The researchers caution that their studies are still at an early stage, and that it could be 10 years or more before engineered insects are released into the environment.
Ali Abbas, an Iraqi boy who lost both his arms- Where most of us would have lost all hope, he trudged on and found happiness despite the cards life had dealt him. He lost his family and his arms in the missile attack that took place in Baghdad in the spring of March 2003.
Today he lives with hope and dignity. He talks about life, about painting with his feet, he talks about finding reasons to remain sane when the world crashes down and all is lost.
My ambitions? I don't know what I want to be. Maybe I want to do something with peace, when I grow up.
I hope Iraq will be safe so I can go back and live there.
There is much we can learn from Abbhas
Yesterday while I was bitching about my maid’s unprofessional behavior over a long distance call to my mom she offered me a nugget of truth: "Maids and governments are a necessary evil."
I sighed and immediately calmed down. Her statement made me realize that we Indians are so used to living within our comfort zones that the policy of accepting a known devil works well for us. We avert our eyes to the corruption and incompetence of the government and the lack of personal accountability most Indians have towards their jobs.
And, yet I have noticed that many Indians believe that if we treat our subordinates like pieces of crap they deliver best.
Yesterday I found myself eavesdropping on a conversation a foreman was having with a laborer at my neighbor's premises and my ears turned red.
The language the foreman used while bellowing at a laborer was so filthy that I wondered what his crime was and which turned out to be arriving at work roaring drunk. Standing next to my maid I asked her to translate since the abuses showered so liberally were in Tamil.
She preferred not to tell me and I wanted to know. She felt sympathetic towards the foreman and was quick to pass judgment. She was of the firm opinion that the fellow would have worked well if his pay was cut. Warnings never worked, she was quick to tell me and the foreman should have realized that tongue lashing never works on people.
I stared at her and felt like a fool. She had disappeared on me last month for ten days and I hadn’t cut her pay and again this month she disappeared for four days, then yesterday she went for lunch and didn’t turn up today till noon. And I merely told her that her behavior was unacceptable and then asked for my cup of tea.
Did she also think me to be a fool? Would a whole lot of tongue lashing have kept her in check? Was I being stupid by treating her like an equal? Was she taking advantage of my lazy dependency on her?
But at the same time I was willing to rock my boat. Today I looked at her in the eye and told her in my broken Tamil peppered liberally with English, that no one was indispensable. I could do without her, heck I had been taking care of my family on my own for five years in U.S and she was merely a comfort I had gotten used to.
We were conversing on the porch and my eyes fell at the foreman who was talking to the sober laborer. He had placed his hand on his shoulder and seemed to be explaining something to him earnestly. I deduced he was talking about work ethics in his own way, about becoming indispensable to his job.
It was then that it struck me. The foreman and I were similar in terms of being employers and wanted the same thing- our workers to have some inkling as to what work ethics meant.
And yet most of these people due to the abject misery of being poor cannot fathom it. I sighed and finally found myself agreeing at least partly with my mom . My maid is a necessary evil and I’m willing to bear her irregular work habits because of her harsh circumstances but again up to a certain limit.
With the coming up of multiplexes old theaters are dying a slow death. Gone are the days when we used to sit on rat eaten leather seats along with rickshaw walas or with some uncle and aunty who would be munching on some smuggled in food to watch some god forsaken three hours Hindi movie
The Japanese people seem to have lost interest in the one thing that keeps our human race going- Sex. Every third married couple does not have sex. They can go without sex for over a month and if there is a child in the equation then the chances of doing it are totally redundant.
The reasons given range from overexertion to giving priority to socializing instead of making time for sex.
The survey of 1400 people, for Japan's Ministry of Health and Welfare, indicated that 39.7 per cent of all Japanese couples aged 16 to 49 had not had sex for more than a month, a 5 per cent increase on the results of the same survey two years ago.
Doctors and anthropologists say that there are a number of reasons why the Japanese are giving up sex. One is the lifestyle of many urban Japanese men, who leave home early, return home late and tired after a long commute, and tend to spend weekends and other free time socialising with work colleagues or catching up on their sleep. Women, too, are more likely to work and have less time to themselves.
Some couples do not expect to maintain a regular sex life after the arrival of a child and small, thin-walled apartments offer few opportunities for privacy.
Poor communication is also cited as a factor, especially among older people, who are constrained from discussing sex, even with their spouses.
To most of us with sexually active lifestyle sex is a habitual activity. One has to make time for it. Maybe not put a marked date on the calender but more like an unspoken agreement that keeps the marriage/relationship on an even keel.
Tell me when to stop hiccuping. The Russian billionaire Roman Abramovich booted divorced his wife Irina a month ago with the world's biggest settlement of 2.5 billion. While divorces are the norm with the rich and famous but makes this one unique is that Putin himself told Abramovich to clean up his act after his affair with a 25 year old Daria Zhukova, daughter of another Russian billionaire surfaced.
Apparently Putin regards Abramovich to be like a son and Abramovich in turn treats Putin as his personal savior. Okay, there I went too far but when Putin admonishes one of the richest men on earth about his personal life it makes one wonder how powerful Putin really is.
Georgie boy move aside, not only does Putin have the Russian oil but also the native billionaires living in his pocket.
Snoop Dogg sure has besmirched a whole lot of Americans dawgs by getting arrested in Sweden for driving under the influence of narcotics and for carrying drugs though the cops have yet to give out what he and his lady friend were under the influence of and carrying on their way back from a party.
"He was deemed to be under the influence of narcotics," Brannlund said.
A small amount of narcotics also was found in the car, but Brannlund could not specify which kind of drug and he said it was unclear whether it belonged to Snoop Dogg.
"He underwent some tests that will now be sent away for analysis," Brannlund said. "In two to three weeks, we'll know if he was on something."
Snoop Dogg was released shortly after 5 a.m. but could face a fine if his drug test comes back positive, Brannlund said.
Obviously most aren't shocked by his behavior after all he is merely living what he sings- Drugs, Bitches and Fast Cars but he should have the sense to understand that what his fans may accept is criminal behavior and though there may not be a whole bunch of jail birds wanting to feel up his bony ass but if he doesn't clean up his act he just might find himself hippity hoppin' in prison.
Be warned!! Giving an elephant a hard on might get you a black eye. Dr Thomas Hildebrandt doesn't mind masturbating a jumbo penis to get elephant juice for artificial insemination. In fact the good doc will be raising Jackson's john on BBC2’s Horizon: The Elephant’s Guide To Sex, on March 20.
“When you touch an elephant there it starts to flick backwards and forwards and it’s so strong it can knock you off your feet. It’s such a strong movement.”
n the programme, he bids to help elephants Jackson and Christy – who lives in US zoos 1,200 miles apart – to produce a baby.It’s a messy business as he massages Jackson’s prostate gland to produce 300ml of semen per orgasm – the equivalent of a can of Coke – which has to be airlifted in giant condoms across America to Christy.
Artificially inseminating an elephant is just as messy – while a catheter is inserted into the cervix, the hapless scientist faces being pooed on.
All the mess is worth it to Dr Hildebrandt who said: “Lots of mammals are facing extinction and artificial insemination is very helpful in saving species.
“Man has created this annihilation of species; it’s up to man to use his ingenuity to save them.”
I'm all for man saving nature's creatures but it doesn't mean we start masturbating them. Seems the Doctor likes getting kinky with boys bearing tusks. Cloning seems like a more viable option than getting bitch slapped by a giant penis.
To beat the Bangalore heat the kids got into the pool and splashed around. We couldn't fill the pool up to the brim due to water shortage but the kids didn't care a fig. They had a ball
Britney seems to be giving Judy Garland a run for her money as far as suicide attempts are concerned. The first known attempt was when she tried to step in front of the traffic and suffer the fate of being a road kill and the latest is straight out of an Omen-style scene where in a fit of repentance the "she devil" might scrawl 666 on her scalp, run around the clinic proclaiming her evil satanic identity as the anti- Christ and then as an encore try to hang herself with a bed sheet. Only Britney really did try all of the above, and she wasn't auditioning for a remake of The Omen.
Obviously, the attempt failed and she lived. Just when we think Britney has hit rock bottom she comes up with another innovative stunt that makes the headlines.
Is it a mental breakdown or has she plain gone loco? Whatever it may be, this could cost her the kids and she should be able to rise above her self absorbed needs and think about her young ones. As it is, her cry for wanting another baby from K-Fed at his threshold would make all mommies shudder.
Lindsay Lohan apparently does not believe in wearing underwear or bras. It was the swingers night and guess who did the swinging? Little Lindie's luscious plumps;) Enough with showing your teats ladies. If you show your wares too often they tend to loose their allure 
Let's cut through the chase here shall we? Some people should go into hiding when they are pregnant. Torri Spelling from Beverly Hill 90210 would need a battalion of plastic surgeons to get her back in shape. After seeing a visibly out of shape Brit in borrowed bikini , now this would have any woman who lost her girlie figure to producing little bundles of joys whoop with glee
Talk about stupidity ruling the roost or the whole fucking country. Another child was mauled by a pack of stray dogs and died en route to the hospital.
This is the third attack that has taken place and animal lovers like Mr Dilip Bafna continue to defend the strays by saying:
"There are so many other things that the municipal authorities should look after," said Dilip Bafna, a trustee of the Animal Rights Fund.
"No stern action has been taken against illegal meat shops. They dump waste on the roads, while people litter the roads and then complain about stray dogs," he said.
In a letter to the state government, former High Court judge MF Saldanha said that the culling of dogs was a "knee-jerk reaction".
He called for the stepping-up of an anti-rabies vaccine initiated by the local civic agencies.
What the fuck is wrong with you, man? Here is some news for you -
We rather spend that money on our poor, on education and sanitary conditions than on animals. Whether hypocritical folks like you get it or not but the ground reality is this - An animal's life is not at par with that of a human being's.
Being an animal lover does not mean that you freakin let strays rule the freakin roads. You bloody dimwits should try to live on the road for one fucking day,try to appease an empty belly, see little pups die of starvation or suffer slow agonizing death of being a road kill. It ain't a picnic living on the streets where one is treated even worse than a lowly scum.
And don't talk about that shitty 'help' number of yours. Back in Delhi I called your fuckin' Meneka Gandhi animal help line and all I got was - We will be there and the 'we' never fucking turned up.
Yeah, I know the shitty excuse- lack of fucking funds but what you freakin' still don't get is that money is wasted since your furry friends who will always be potential killers.
Step up the rabies shots? Do you even have an inkling what the dog population is like? Buddy, get down from your high chair and take a tour of Bangalore on foot in the slum areas. Damn it! come to my village and see how unsafe it is to walk out of one's home no thanks to the strays.
Those of you who passed the ghastly law that allows strays to roam around here is what I say to you - For every road side child that dies of a dog bite the blood is on your hands.
Deepti Lamba is an aspiring writer and an editor for Desicritics. She can be found at Things That Bang and at Suspended Moments
