I still remember standing in front of my third grade teacher’s desk and looking at my parents apprehensively. It was my report day, my older sister had come first in her class and I had barely passed, by the skin of my teeth, as it were.

My knees trembled, knowing a beating was in store for me once we reached home and for once I wanted to stay put in school and hide my head in my teacher’s lap but it wasn’t going to be so, it never happened that way.

I remember listening to those familiar words being said to my teacher that I heard everyday. My mother had wished that I was more like my older sister, an all rounder and not a lazy petulant child always landing up in trouble and never getting the marks no matter how many hours my mom made me study.

In other words I was a complete duh! Though she never called me one outright but there are times when one word describes a wealth of emotions.

I hung my head in shame. I was a good for nothing child even my younger sister was better behaved and the apple of my mom’s eye. It was nothing new.

My head sank low and I stared at the ground when a gentle hand caressed my head. It was my teacher. I still remember the love she had in her eyes for me and that gentle smile.

And it was what she said that on that day that withheld the feelings of jealousy in my heart against my sisters which may have been the natural outcome of such dubious comparisons.

Mrs Tripathi, my third grade teacher had given my parents a listening ear, she had sat through my mother’s tirade against me and then replied softly that when no two fingers were alike, why was my mother comparing me with my sisters? We were individuals in our own right.

That day, on returning home my mom did not lay a hand on me. She curtly told me to do better and ignored me for the day but I wouldn’t have cared one way of the other for my teacher’s words had lightened my young heart.

I didn’t have to please my parents and I could be me without ever wanting to be like anyone else.

Those words had been my talisman as I had fought through my childhood and entered into adult hood and they even molded me as a teacher and a mom.

I was a school teacher before my marriage and used to be quite amused when parents sought my advice about their kids. Being unmarried and having never really interacted with small children I drew wisdom from my own childhood, the mistakes my parents had made and also the right things that they had done in our upbringing and some of the tips held those parents in good stead

1) Hitting a child never works. The child merely becomes more stubborn and rebellious.
2) Time out works better to calm a child down and make him/her think about the naughty deed done.
3) Threats rarely work, kids get used to threatening parents.
4) Never compare kids with other siblings that causes low self esteem and festers sibling rivalry
5) Each child grows at his/her own pace, realize a child’s limitation due to the development factor and don’t let the Indian education system grind the children down.
6) Give them privacy and respect. Even a small child should be given some ‘alone’ time.
7) Don’t leave your kids with the servants or tutors 24/7. There were parents who disagreed with me, some due to work pressure and others due to their social calendar but I continued to stress that bonding time between parents and children was a must.
8) Get to know the kid’s friends’ parents especially once they reach the teen years.
9) Spying and snooping through their mails and personal diaries means there is break down in communication.
10) Help them inculcate reading habit, it keeps them out of trouble especially during long summer breaks
11) And lastly, it never hurts to apologize to a child, being small does not mean they should not be respected as human beings.

Obviously, I still have lots to learn. I’m learning to give one hundred percent attention to my five year old when he is talking to me, I’m learning to be patient with my two year old who refuses to sit on her potty and not to raise my hand even when they are being total brats.

Parenting is not easy and there are lessons that we continue to learn right from birth till death comes knocking on our door.

It would be nice if parents/caregivers shared their thoughts on parenting by posting on Desicritics.org There is much wisdom to be gained, tips to be shared and success stories to be triumphed over.