I am not a citizen of Unites States Of America nor do I reside there any more. I am back home in my own country, living under my own roof with my family and friends just a flight away and yet I find myself gravitating towards American life and politics. The life there continues to matter to me as does life here in my own country.

Is there a way I can cut strings? I lived there for five years, watched CNN and Fox news first thing in the morning with my tea and checked out the Indian news on the net, watched HBO movies and crawled around Blogcritics. org during the day and at night wrote stories and blogged while I chatted with my family back in India on gmail.

There was a routine that had been established, friends that had been made and I had begun to identify and fall in love with the country. I bitched about Bush, snored through Kerry's speeches and held my tongue when there was skirmish between my Republican and Democratic friends and felt upset with the religious right when turned their wrath against gays.

Today it all came back to me while reading an article on Huffington Post where a lesbian mom talks about her marriage being in jeopardy when the Massachusetts's legislators take up the debate on banning gay marriage:

I am a suburban mom. My three boys go to elementary school. I started the day making three lunches, re-threading one shoelace, and loudly insisting my nine-year-old middle son wear a jacket, only to watch him take three steps out the door and then stuff the coat into his backpack. And in a few days, Massachusetts's legislators will take up, once again, the debate to ban gay marriage.

That would be my marriage.

As I finished the article my thoughts reverted to my gay friends whom I had lost touch with as I had with all my straight friends back in the US. How where they all? What was happening on their end?

It was all topsy turvy. While in the US I wondered about my family and friends in India and Indian politics and now my thoughts naturally gravitate towards the US.

I download my shows from the net to remain abreast with shows like 24, Shield, Sopranos and Bill Mahers. I check the American news early morning after finishing with Times Of India. Its a weird existence, to love two countries - one I was born and brought up in and one I stayed in.