While watching the movie- Secret Lives of Dentists a few years back I remember scoffing at the part when the entire family falls sick and the sickness brings back the bond of love and trust between the couple and the erring wife does not leave her husband.
I remember sayings – ‘WTF? How can the misery of being ill bring the love back in a marriage?’ and then remembered the countless Mills & Boon that I read where the arrogant hero met with an accident, or became blind (Jane Eyre) and the lover’s unconditional love transforms their rabid relationships and they lived family ever after.
Even in the show The Sopranos the bond between Tony Soprano and Carmella was re-strengthened after he was shot and she had ‘been’ there for him. But by this time I understood the emotions that strengthen a relationship when a loved one falls sick.
Recently my kids fell sick one after the other. Their temperatures soared, body aches, chest racking coughs and they passed nasty gas that made the house stink as if we had a skunk living with us. Though I had gone through similar exercises for over five years but being a mother I continued to fret and made constant calls to Aaman about the kids’ sickness.
The calls would have irritated any sane person but our worry and love for the kids kept him from telling me to cut short the minute by minute report.
He took off early from work and we took the kids to the Doctor and within a few days the kids were somewhat back to being their normal selves.
Today while talking to my mom I brought this matter up about appreciating Aaman for providing support when our kids fell sick and my mom remembered my grandfather always being there when we fell sick.
Fretting about a loved one when sick or in a life and death situation makes us vulnerable. It’s as if we ourselves become like children and need some kind of emotional assurances even though we may be the ones managing the entire activity of trying to get the person back on his feet.
During these times we start seeing Doctors like gods who would magically restore our loved ones and tend to rely on those who extend their unconditional support while we aren’t our normal selves.
It isn’t the happy times that bind us together but the tough times weathered together be they financial or ill health that strengthen relationships.