Things That Bang

While watching the re-runs of Ghost Whisperer I was struck by the rage that invariably came Melinda Gordon’s (played by Jennifer Love Hewitt) way, whether it was expressed by the dead or the living. The need to lash out was always disturbing in its ferocity and Melinda could never get used to it even though she faced the brunt of this emotion frequently. Being the recipient of someone’s anger is never easy and to lash back is an instinctive reaction. Melinda Gordon, however rarely reacted in the same tone when others called her a fake, a charlatan out to make an extra buck on their grief. It showed a lot of maturity on the part of her character and made me wonder if I had it in me not to lash out especially when I knew for sure that the allegations made against me were not true.

It’s very easy for me to get angry – to give it back in kind but the attitude that all I have is ‘me’ no longer works. It’s a self absorbed attitude, none of us are really alone. Many a times in anger when we burn our bridges we also land up burning others’ bridges. It’s the ripple effect. And that realization has taught me forbearance. To let matters go before my ‘justified’ anger would blow matters out of proportion. Nowadays I let things ride. It takes so much less energy not to respond to someone looking for a fight, to look at the bigger picture and realize that I cannot let that person’s anger become my own.

It’s like the U2 song – Stuck In A Moment You Can't Get Out Of. Even though the song was about about the suicide of his close friend Michael Hutchence, the late lead singer of the band INXS yet we all do get stuck ourselves in the moment of anger, sorrow or depression and don’t see a way out. We obsess and become self-centered; unable to get rid of the tick in our minds that drains us energy we continue to mop for days whereas the cause of our endless gloom probably moved on right after his outburst. Rarely does our unexpressed anger serve any purpose; all it does is burn some red blood cells and makes us boorish companions.

For some people forgiveness works. They become the bigger person and let the matter go but for me humor works. I tell myself that I have no way of vindicating myself when the individual has already made up his mind about me and then laugh at my own dramatic over reaction and move on.

Anger hardly ever serves any purpose except when it is ‘Righteous’. In the social context the term ‘righteous’ anger works but in our daily lives it’s a tricky word. Is it right to ride on our high horse and lash out on someone without giving them a chance to say something in their own defense? And no I am not talking about situations where abuse is involved but mundane situations where we misunderstand each other or prejudge someone’s actions and get mad.

To see the other’s point of view often enough calms us down and yet there are times when they are just wrong and there is no way of excusing their behavior. Do we then continue to be charitable and forgive or raise our middle finger and tell them to go where the sun don’t shine? These are decisions that cannot be made in anger but with a rational mind since we may come to regret the damage done in years to come.