Things That Bang

'My dad had five wives! And I have eight other siblings!'

My jaw dropped when my maid told me this extraordinary tale. Her mother was the first of the five he abandoned. Her own family didn't take her in and she was left on the road with two small children. They took shelter under trees at night, begged for food at the local temple till the mother began to work as a part- timer and later on in factories.

The father remained absent from their lives. Between wives he returned and left again. Procreated, whored and became richer with each dowry that came his way. His first wife on the other hand managed to save enough to buy a plot of land and built a room, had her two kids educated and became a respectable lady of community.

And then one fine day he returned. He promised her his love forever. He said he had forsaken his previous wives, she was the only one who mattered. The daughter wouldn't have it, she stopped talking to her mother, a month passed, two months passed and I heard her vent and rant.

She abused her father and rightfully so. She cursed her mother for being a stupid cow. She talked about her step siblings. She knew them by their faces, blood and hatred in a vile putrid mix she didn't want anything to do with them.

Then one fine day he came home. To her home. He grabbed her tight and hugged her. She cried and showed him her child. He caressed her and gave her a Barbie.

She told me that she had forgiven him.

And all I thought - You, Stupid Cow!! Once a rogue always a rogue. You are so like your mom.

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This weekend I won't be blogging. Movable Type is updating some stuff and the server will be off limits to me. Its gonna be party time. As it is aren't you guys also supposed to be doing stuff like rock climbing or saving a cat from a burning building?

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The Conflict Between Freedom of Speech And Religious Sensibilities On Desicritics.org
Jawahara explores the right to write and riot
Alamgir Hussain opens the Pandora's Box and makes astounding historical references
Mike GHousewonders whether Taslima is an expendable BJP Pawn
Raza Rumi elucidates that the moderate Muslims in India do not support violent means of protest.
Sandeepbemoans the hijacking of Bengal by Communists and Fundamentalists
Dweep Chananawonders why the moderates across India aren't more voracious in their protest

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Just when I thought I had read enough weird shit on the net I stumbled upon a guy whose been given three years on probation for simulating sex with his bicycle.

Mr Stewart was caught in the act with his bicycle by cleaners in his bedroom at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr. Gail Davidson, prosecuting, told Ayr Sheriff Court: "They knocked on the door several times and there was no reply. "They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the accused wearing only a white t-shirt, naked from the waist down. "The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex." Both cleaners, who were "extremely shocked", told the hostel manager who called police.

So the fellow turned out to be a cycle-sexualist but he was doing his 'thang' in the privacy of his bedroom and whether he shoved the handle up his ass or got off on the seat it just wasn't any one's business!!

Even the Islamic zealots sitting in the Pashtun region would advise therapy not probation!!

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"Of all the preposterous assumptions of humanity over humanity, nothing exceeds most of the criticisms made on the habits of the poor by the well-housed, well- warmed, and well-fed."
---------------Herman Melville

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The little pup looks cute on the pole but it would be weird if you encourage your little eleven year old to take to the pole, right? A U.K Council thinks its okay for teens below the age of 16 to take to the pole. Baby pageants were bad enough but to put them on the pole is akin to telling them - yeah kiddo work for your college fund; take to the pole why don't ya? Mama and Daddy paid good money to get you to learn the moves!!

An advertisement for the dance form overwhelmingly linked to the sex industry, states: “Try pole dancing, women and under-16s.”

The adverts feature a photograph of a scantily clad woman twisting around a dance pole with the tag line: “Something you’ve always wanted to have a go at.”

The ad adds that the two-hour sessions are a great introduction to “vertical dance” and are “suitable for participants of 11 years and upwards”. The classes run at the St David’s Hall arts centre in Cardiff.

“The sessions are led by highly-skilled professionals and have proved particularly popular with families wanting to try something together,” The Sun quoted a Cardiff spokesman, as saying.

Highly skilled professionals? From Bada Bing? And a family whoring out affair? Oh yeah, its all for that college fund. My apologies

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I loved Shah Rukh Khan’s bad acting in the movie Om Shanti Om He acted as himself, over-dramatic and ugly as hell. The abs did nothing to make the crow look any prettier or more suave, but then again I’ve always loved un-tameable creatures like SRK. (I’m being snarky; I love the dude but hate his lack of acting abilities.)

Sure, Mr Makhija, in the first half of the movie, was an awesome 70’s hero, all swagger and larger than life but the reincarnated ‘Web 2.0 successful Bollywood actor’ Om was anything but ‘down there’ with us. He couldn’t pull off the cool dude swagger that Abhishek and Hrithik wear so easily. It’s a generation thing. They are the dawgs of globalization whereas Shah Rukh belongs in the 90’s discotheque Cindy Lauper generation.

Deepika Padukone, the female lead was even more disappointing. Despite her scrawny zero-sized figure, fabulous teeth and St. Bernard eyes she was entirely forgettable despite the fact that the entire movie was centered around her character. She reminded me of Hema Malini’s scrawny daughter Esha Deol but let me be fair - Esha still has more camera presence in her little pinkie than Deepika Padukone.

Even if we blame the disintegration of the movie after the interval on the childish script, one cannot help but wonder whether between all the mockery and honoring of Bollywood, was there really any worthwhile acting?

Surprisingly the side characters such as Arjun Rampal, Kiran Kher and Shreyas Talpade provided the much required relief from all the over-acting we had to put up from the two lead actors. True to their characters, the actors proved their mettle even in their limited roles.

Those who liked the movie insist that OSO is intended as light-hearted comedy and I agree - it is so light and frivolous that it lacked any substance. Though it was seemingly made to honor a whole bunch of movies and even re-did a Polish movie scene with Akshay Kumar shooting from his crotch but it didn’t quite make it to the level that people like Tarantino have done with such flair.

This is where we go back to the concept of comedy. There is subtle comedy and then there is slapstick comedy. Expecting people to put up with three hours of harsh overzealous acting could wear down the nerves of any hardened ardent Bollywood fan.

There are actors that live the character in front of the camera and then there are those who continue to act like amateurs. Take Mehmood for example. He was the king of comedy; even his most exaggerated roles were very funny and others like Keshtu Mukerjee, Asrani and even Johnny Walker were legendary comedians who made slapstick comedy funny.

Sanjeev Kapoor in his movie Naya Din Nayi Raat where he did nine different roles was a masterpiece and one cannot forget Utpal Dutt where the Uree Baba term may probably have come from.

To compare Shah Rukh Khan to any of the Bollywood giants of yesteryear may not be fair but when one makes nostalgic movies about days gone by, comparisons are inevitable and unfortunately Shah Rukh Khan fell short despite his hilarious ‘Mind it’ and ‘Uree- Baba ‘ takes.

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I think I saw a puddy-cat. I did, I did see a Puddy cat!

Though the news of General Musharraf retiring from the army has been making rounds but it is hardly a victory won. Despite being a 'civilian' president Musharraf will continue to have powers to a sack a civilian government.

Gen Musharraf passed a ceremonial baton to Gen Ashfaq Pervez Kayani at the army's headquarters. In his farewell address, Gen Musharraf said the army was his "life" and he was proud to have been the commander of this "great force". He had been under huge pressure to quit as army chief and is due to be sworn in as civilian president on Thursday. Opposition leader Benazir Bhutto welcomed President Musharraf quitting his army post but said her party was in no hurry to accept him as a civilian leader.

Its kind of difficult to accept that a dictator of nine years would easily relinquish his powers and twiddle his retired thumbs. Gen. Musharraf may just find himself saying - Suffering Succotash!! when he realizes that no one is falling for his wolf in sheep clothing ploy;)

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It isn't the cows or Taslima Nasreen who is making news in America but the barefoot foundry men making man holes for New York and New Orleans. It came as a rude shock to see pictures of bare chested and bare foot men working with molten steel in a Howrah factory in Kolkata.

Seemingly impervious to the heat from the metal, the workers at one of West Bengal's many foundries relied on strength and bare hands rather than machinery. Safety precautions were barely in evidence; just a few pairs of eye goggles were seen in use on a recent visit.

The foundry, Shakti Industries in Howrah, produces manhole covers for cities in the United States, Europe and the Middle East. The company makes covers for Con Edison and New York City's Department of Environmental Protection, as well as for departments in New Orleans and Syracuse, New York.

The scene was as spectacular as it was anachronistic: Flames, sweat and liquid iron mixing in the smoke like something from the Middle Ages.

The owner of Shakti industries proudly showed his factory to the photographer but has now come to regret his actions hoping that the backlash may not cause him to loose his contracts.

He was adamant that no accidents have happened in his factory but the lack of protective gears tell another story.

India's 1948 Factory Safety Act addresses cleanliness, ventilation, waste treatment, overtime pay and fresh drinking water, but the only protective gear it specifies is safety goggles.

Modi said that his factory follows basic safety regulations and that workers should not be barefoot. "It must have been a very hot day," when the photos were taken, he said.

Should it not be mandatory for the workers to wear sandals no matter what along with some sort of protective clothing?

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Taslima Nasreen has been moved to an undisclosed location in India, reportedly New Delhi. In the land of supposed freedom, she has gone into hiding. Her fight is not colored by her gender but by her audacity to go against a culture she was born in. Her writing is at best mediocre but her spirit is that of a warrior. She stands resolute in her fight for freedom of speech, her right to demand changes in a culture that is decaying. Instead of being introspective, the leaders of the community want her removed from the country.

Some call her an attention-whore for writing controversial books to get easy attention and others consider her to be a low life who went against her faith. The truth is that it takes guts to write something so controversial that would get one branded as a traitor and beg for asylum in other countries. Her only crime was to bring to world attention the suffering of the Bangladeshi women under the Islamic fold and for that the author continues to live a disrupted life.

Today the cyclone-hit Bangladesh again draws world attention. Women and children in the worst hit areas find themselves in dire straits:

Approximately half of the homes were destroyed by the cyclone.
Thanks to the radio, women here knew maybe a day or so before about the cyclone. When the early warning reached them, they headed towards safer towns for refuge.

But many people refused to help them or provide a safe haven for the women, because of the stigma attached to sex work.

Many were forced to set up temporary homes on the bridges or roads on the outskirts of towns, while others returned to their homes to fight the cyclone thereThe women told me how it was extremely tough for them, having been shunned by the community, but their main concern was what would happen to their children.

This is how the must vulnerable are being treated in Bangladesh. Isn't this the time when apart from fighting for their rights in Nandigram, the Kolkata Communists/Muslims should be turning their attention to the plight of their brethren across the borders? Instead we find them raising a hue and cry over a woman who feels the most for her country.

Related Articles:
Taslima Nasreen Leaves Kolkata: A Giant Defeat for Secularism By Dweep Chanana

Violence In Kolkata- The Battle For Bengal By Sandeep

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Is it okay to love your Nails Salon? My latest passion is to get my nails done. Monday I got a French manicure done come Friday there is a chip on one of my French manicured finger nail and I am itching to go back to the Salon. I want to get my hands bleached since the Bangalore sun has tanned them to deep honey brown and get my feet massaged for at least ten whole minutes.

Going to the salon is therapeutic. I leave the world behind and generally dumb down. I stop thinking altogether and the only senses that work are the pleasure senses. Someone waiting on me hand and foot is a luxury that in regular life I don’t get to enjoy. Between kids, home, garden and clicketing clacketing on the key board my hands, feet and brain get worn out and the best place to re-energize is the salon.

Putting my feet in the steamy tub, reading a magazine I wouldn’t read otherwise at home has its perk. I am someone else while I am in the Salon. I am not a wife or a mother but a woman getting herself preened and prettied up. No harm there but how many of us would admit that the Salon is not just an essential part of our lives to ‘maintain ourselves’ but it’s a place of womanly sanctuary?

The Nails Salon is a place where I see women of all shapes and sizes getting themselves done. They inspect their nails, they blow at their nails, they just love their nails and that kind of self loving is not narcissistic but merely responding to the fertility goddess within ourselves who requires heavy dose of ferocious self loving.

Loving our nails makes us naturally love everything that has to do with our hands. The ritual of creaming our hands morning and night to keep them supple and soft is taken up, we invest money in the best sub block lotion and keep an eye out for good nail shades when we visit the mall and act like women instead of manish- feminists thrusting our way into board meetings or directing vehicles at traffic signals.

I dream of nails once in a while, oval shaped or square shaped, nails with little stars or flowers painted over them, nails that reflect tiny bits of designs that bolster of the female self- esteem. These little nails like hair continue to grow even when we are dead and buried. Wouldn’t be nice if someone continued to paint them for us even when we are dead? Cut them, shape them and talk to our dead corpses about the world that has passed us by.

Then again maybe not, but loving my nails is all about loving a part of me that could easily be neglected, it is reassuring myself that even the smallest part of me matters.

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Last night we celebrated Thanksgiving with a real Thanksgiving meal at a restaurant called the - The Only Place. The meal of scrumptious and the number of ex-pats far out weighed the number of Indians. But the Indians too were in their element adding to the noise and laughter. One desi dude asked Aaman to get him two cokes and a lime soda. Dimwit!

We returned home pretty late and I crashed out. Morning woke up with a bad back ache yet again. What am I grateful for this Thanksgiving?

Having a maid.

Having my own home to stay in.

And having my own car to drive around.

Three essential elements to enjoying some degree of freedom;)

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Happy Thanksgiving everyone

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How far are we willing to pimp Britney Spears to make a few extra bucks or to forward our own agendas to hog the lime light even if for a day? In my Britney Radar a news feed dropped in- TROUBLED pop star Britney Spears is to take part in a scientific sex-periment - in the nude, with her pal Paris Hilton.

I wasn't sure I read it right. A scandal like that would be of proportions unfathomable. It turned out to be a fictional story requiring a paid subscription. So much for me getting the scoop of the day that would forever relieve of my day job of being a grease monkey.

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A few months back I read about Will Smith and his wife Jada Pinkett Smith having the Cruises over for dinner. Jada had talked about Katie Holmes having a mind of her own and the two couples generally having a good time. And the thought that buzzed through my head was- Good time??...hmmm..Tommy didn't try to sell them Scientology? Tom Cruise actually had a relaxed quiet evening with non-scientolgists? He couldn't be all that crazy.

I was over optimistic. Will Smith admitted that he was 'familiar' with Scientology in an interview in Vogue Magazine. The following is an excerpt from FOXNEWs.com:

Smith admits in the issue of Men’s Vogue on sale Tuesday that he has studied Scientology with Tom Cruise and doesn’t disagree with its basic tenets.

In doing so, he finally "comes out," joining Cruise, John Travolta, Kirstie Alley and a handful of other Hollywood types in their devotion to this controversial religion.

For a long time, Smith has denied joining the Church of Scientology with his wife, Jada Pinkett Smith, explaining that it would go against the beliefs of his late grandmother. But for some time, insiders in Hollywood have insisted the Smiths were, indeed, brought in by Cruise.

Smith concedes that his kids are being home-schooled, just as are those of Cruise, Travolta and other Scientologists.

In the article, Smith refers to "Thetans," who are space aliens in the vernacular of Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard.

"... in all of the experiences I’ve had with Tom and Scientology, like 98 percent of the principles are identical to the principles of the Bible," Smith tells Men’s Vogue writer Hudson Morgan.

The Times of India projects the interview in a different light:

Smith says that he keeps the teachings of Scientology at par with other religions. “We push one another to be better. There’s a comprehension of what each of us goes through that everybody else can’t understand,” said Smith. “

I’ve studied Buddhism and Hinduism, and I’ve studied Scientology through Tom. And nobody’s saying anything different,” he added.

He may try to soothe his dead grandma's soul by drawing parallels between Scientology and Christianity or try to find the one truth in all religious philosophies but one thing is for sure Tom Cruise will give Will shelter in his bunker only if he admits to his full fledged Scientology membership or else when the Thetans finally come to earth he and Jada will be alien fodder just like the rest of us.

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When the apples of our collective Desi eyes make it to the news we are quick to call the super achievers our own but what happens when they make the news for all the wrong reasons? Take Anand Jon Alexander for example. He was supposed to be the rising star of Indian heritage making it big in the fashion world but today he finds himself in a cesspool of countless indictments.

On September 27th a Los Angeles County grand jury had indicted Anand on 54 felons and five misdemeanors including rape, assault and lewd acts upon a child

And recently he has also been indicted in the state of New York:

A 40-count indictment charges Anand Jon Alexander, a graduate of New York's Parsons School of Design who has worked for many celebrities, with rape, aggravated sex abuse and related crimes that stem from assaults from November 2002 through September 2006, the Manhattan district attorney's office said.

Things are not looking up for Anand in Texas either where is he under investigation for similar reasons.

So is Anand Jon Alexander a sex fiend or a misunderstood persecuted fashion designer with numerous models out for revenge?

The courts will make the final judgment but in the Desi eyes he is a wolf in designer clothing;).

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"Girls are always running through my mind. They don't dare walk."
-----------------------Andy Gibb

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The first time I laid eyes on Tom Cruise was when I was eleven year old. Top Gun became my favorite movie and I considered him to be the most handsome man since Harrison Ford. I got into arguments with people over his acting or lack of it as they insisted upon.

Today I finally saw Lions For Lambs and came back feeling surreal. Tom was at his best acting like a slimy Republican and I loved the part where he willed the tears to glimmer in his eyes, his patriotism and his political agendas seemed to mesh with SITH like smoothness.

I was deeply impressed with the movie as would anyone who understands the motivations that the Republican Party has towards the invasion of Iran but more so by Meryl Streep and Tom Cruises acting and not to mention his good looks.

So, coming back home I was still in the fluffy high school crush mode over Tommy's good looks when Bam! I saw a picture of Tom in Huffingtonpost looking like anything but Tom- he was fat and bald.

FAT AND BALD!! He didn't look like the Tom I have loved since I was a little kid!

Here are the first pictures of Tom Cruise in a fat suit and bald cap shooting his cameo for Ben Stiller's new comedy Tropic Thunder.

Tom is believed to be playing a studio mogul in the movie, which also stars Matthew McConaughey (replaced Owen Wilson), Robert Downey, Jr., Jack Black, Nick Nolte, Bill Hader and Justin Theroux.

To remove the impression of that violent imagery I'm sitting and watching Interview Of The Vampire , my favorite character Lestat played by Tom Cruise.

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Our Die Hard Hero Bruce Willis is a sex maniac at least that is what the Welsh model Alexandra Williams had to say:

The 25-year-old model reveals how Willis, 52, made it his mission to bed her after spotting her on a catwalk in the south of France.

The smitten star — whose latest blockbuster, Die Hard 4.0, is topping the DVD charts — kept bumping into her and wining and dining her as she crossed the US. She finally surrendered in his Las Vegas hotel room after a U2 concert.

The article gets steamy, describing the foreplay in explicit details; about; his muscular body, what he did to her, blah blah...:

“All of a sudden he started to kiss me passionately. Then he stripped off. I was amazed by his physique.

“He’d just finished filming Die Hard 4.0 and was in great shape. He’s very well-endowed too.

“Things started to heat up pretty quickly. He moved his hands all over my body and was fixated with my breasts. I’d just had them enhanced to 34C and he loved massaging them.

“He lifted my dress over my head and smothered me with kisses. Then he just ravished me. It was frenzied and very bang, bang, bang!

Bruce is a sex addict. Once you start him up, he goes at it full throttle. But then came the kinky things he wanted me to do ...”

And then the article goes on to talk about him touching her legs, her bums and having torrid sex in some hotel and.....do we really want explicit details about a 52 year old dude doing a 25 year old chick? I rather read some Jane Eyre or Wuthering Heights or the Foreign Affairs;)

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Want to enjoy some art without going to a gallery try Paintalicious. Gorgeous paintings and write ups about the artists make it a worthy read.

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Let’s not make any bones about this- you and I are so over. You glare at me, petulant little pout on the lips I loved to kiss a long time ago but now all I want to do is smack you silly, bruise you, hurt you; kill you for being a cunt, a banshee. You scream of all the wrong I’ve done to you and I want to drown you in your own anger. I’m thinking of freedom from you, from your tyranny.

It would be so easy for me to smother you; grab your neck and twist it and hear you squawk and gag like a hen in slaughter house. My hands tremble in anticipation, adrenaline courses through my heart and I breath in your anger, your hatred and enjoy the power I have over you.

Let me do it pleads the beast in me- grind you and our past together to the ground. No more you and no more me, no more fights, no more anger, no more pain. My heart is breaking, I’m hating you and loving you all the same.

Tears spill from your eyes and I break in a million pieces. I love you more than life itself. Love and hate one confusing heap of maliciousness. You close the distance between us and lay your head on my chest and sob like a child looking for parental security but I can give you no more.

I gently set you away from me, look into your sad eyes and leave you forever.

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The most talked about animated movie is going to be Killer Bean Forever. Jeff Lew gave up a cushy job as an animator and made his own feature film:

Several years ago, I was the Lead Animator of Matrix Reloaded. It was a great job. I learned a lot from it, but I wanted to make my own feature film. So I quit to pursue my dream. For the past 4 years, I've been working at my computer 14 hours a day, 7 days a week. I've spent my entire life savings and maxed out credit cards. After all this time and effort, my movie is almost done. I present to you a preview of my feature film directorial debut... Killer Bean Forever.

The clip on the official website of Killer Bean Forever is beyond awesome and worth checking out. Hope we get to watch it soon and hear about thousands of MatrixKiller Bean Forever fans in Japan.

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Freakanomics did a survey as to what people would be rather be arrested about- embezzlement or prostitution and most chose embezzlement:

That is the finding of our informal “Would You Rather” poll, asking if you’d rather be arrested for embezzlement or prostitution.

By a measure of nearly 4-to-1, you chose prostitution. It’s amazing what you learn about people when you have a blog.

Prostitution is a subjective moral crime at least one works for the money earned; embezzlement is about plain greed and unearned enjoyment.

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Its the season to make babies...Chris Noth and his beautiful girlfriend Tara Wilson are expecting. Congratulations are in order.

Yet again the cheerleader needs saving. There is an arrest warrant out for Hayden Panettiere for protesting against the killing of dolphins and whales by Japanese fishermen:

Hayden Panettiere, 18, was part of a convoy of activists from both the U.S. and Australia who, on October 30, paddled out on surfboards to protest the annual slaughter of dolphins and whales by Japanese fisherman.

Her group attempted to swim to and reach a pod of dolphins before it was driven into a nearby cove and massacred, but they were blocked by a fishing boat and attacked themselves before they could reach the marine mammals.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions;)

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I generally wait for a review from Roger Ebert before I decide whether to wait for an English (Hollywood movie) to hit the theaters or pick it up from my piracy guy a few weeks later. As far as his review of Beowulf is concerned I'm kind of wanting and not wanting to wait for the movie to hiit the Indian theaters. It seems as if the movie is worth watching only in a IMAX theater (they don't exist in Bangalore) or for the sake of a supposedly naked Jolie. Though Roger Ebert made a surprising observance about her feet and other covered areas:

Truth in criticism: I am not sure Angelina Jolie was nude. Oh, her character was nude, all right, except for the shimmering gold plating that obscured certain crucial areas, but was she Angelina Jolie?.. We are not looking at flesh-and-blood actors but special effects that look uncannily convincing, even though I am reasonably certain that Angelina Jolie does not have spike-heeled feet. That's right: feet, not shoes.

He goes on to give the storyline which we all know and then talks about the tacky dialogs:

But I'm not complaining. I'm serious when I say the movie is funny. Some of the dialogue sounds like "Monty Python." No, most of the dialogue does. "I didn't hear him coming," a wench tells a warrior. "You'll hear me," he promises. Grendel is ugly beyond all meaning. His battles are violent beyond all possibility. His mother (Jolie) is like a beauty queen in centerfold heaven. Her own final confrontation with Beowulf beggars description. To say the movie is over the top assumes you can see the top from here.

Aww the top of Angelina's ...I digress. Mulling over the fine sarcasm in Roger Ebert's review (which if you ask me feels like a red wine swirling against the palate) I realized one thing for sure my piracy guy will be paid a visit next week to ask for Beowulf and if I am feeling too lazy to travel half way across the city for a pirated copy I just may find myself sitting in a theater and watch the movie and throw some popcorn at nakkid Angelina.

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It comes as no surprise that Angelina Jolie is furious with Brad’s mother for continuing her friendship with Jennifer Aniston. The icing on the cake for Jolie was learning that the ex-wife had been invited for Thanks Giving by her mother in law. Brad defended his mother by saying that what his mother did was her business whereas Angelina called the continued relationship between her mother in law and Brad’s ex- twisted and sneaky. Even if we disregard Jolie’s role in breaking up Brad’s all ready troubled marriage is it fair on her part to demand loyalty from extended family members?
But then again when Courteney Cox snubbed Brad’s attempt for a civil conversation in a restaurant we all applauded her sense of loyalty towards her heart broken friend. So, is it right to act as a neutral party and go on associating with the ‘enemy’ or do we stop sitting on the fence and take sides?

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Coming from a beauty who is unable to hold her liquor it comes as a great surprise to hear that Paris Hilton wants the residents of a little hamlet in India lock up their moonshine and not let the sneaky elephants get drunk:

Hilton was apparently horrified to discover some elephants were electrocuted after drinking rice beer brewed by locals, going on a rampage and uprooting an electricity pylon in the northeast state of Meghalaya. Hilton is urging locals to lock up their booze.

“There would have been more causalities if the villagers hadn’t chased them away. And four elephants died in a similar way three years ago. It is just so sad,” Hilton was reported as saying. “The elephants get drunk all the time. It is becoming really dangerous. We need to stop making alcohol available to them.”

I've heard of monkeys' getting drunk or stoned but elephants? They would require gallons and gallons of rice beer. Any source to verify the drunken behavior?

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The trouble about trying to make yourself stupider than you really are is that you very often succeed.
--------------------C.S Lewis

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Hot stuff coming up ladies and gentleman. Been tagged by me online sister Desigirl to answer some questions.

1.How do you feel after a one night stand?
Dunno, for all my sultry talk was a virgin when I got married.

2.Do you ever get used to wearing a thong?
Only if you love wedgies!!

3.Does it hurt?
In the mind everything hurts at one point or the other, even beauty, too much happiness can hurt. Why not sex?

4.Do you know when you are acting crazy?
You mean there are people who don't know when they act mad?

5.Does size really matter?
Nah! technique matters more

6.When the bill comes are you still a feminist?
Depends upon the nature of the partaking and how expensive it is.

7.Why do you take so long to get ready?
Why do you bellow that you will not wait and rev the engine?

8.Do you watch Porn?
Don't you?

9.Will something from Tiffany solve everything?
That big a crime committed means one thing- not breakfast at Tiffany but death at Tiffany

10.Are you guys as big a mystery to yourself as you are to us
There was only one Eve- we are her

12.Why do you sometimes think you are fat?
Its all in the curves, baby.

13.Why are you always late?
Busy looking pretty for you, hon'

14.Does it bother you when we scratch?
You mean you didn't know that it does?

15.Do you wish you could pee standing?
Would you have us be like you?

16.Why do so many women cut their hair as soon as they get married?
Awwwww...you really wanna know? We are telling ourselves we are still hot despite being married

17.How often do you think about sex?
Less than you, obviously.

18.What do you think about women who sleep with men on their first date?
Same as what I think of men who sleep with strange women on their first date:)

19.Would you?
Refer back to answer number one

20.Do you realize every guy wants a girl like his mom
Only when it comes to cooking, sweets, or else it will be his worst nightmare.

21.Why does every woman think she can change her man?
Why does every man want his wife to look 21 for ever?

22.Does it matter the kind of car I drive?
Sure, Jaguar is my favorite - do you have one?

Do you ever fart?
I can fart and belch louder than you and still be a woman.

Okay done- since DG staked me I am gonna stake Aditi Nadkarnii Somehow I have one extra question - go figure and I ain't gonna coz it hurts me brains too much;)

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When it comes to greed the sky is the limit. J.K Rolwing and Warner Bros filed against the publishing of the book- Potter lexicon. Back in October they had sued a Bengali community for building a papier mache Hogswarts for their Durga Puja.
The case was thrown out of the court (being India and all where they have better cases to try) but this time round 'the richer than the Queen' Rowling just may have her way:

In 2000, Steve Vander Ark, a middle-aged, middle-school librarian and ardent "Harry Potter" fan, created one of the brightest sites in the constellation of online Potter arcana, the Harry Potter Lexicon. The HPL, as it's known, is a comprehensive reference work covering all that happens in J.K. Rowling's series -- to quote its Wikipedia entry (everything related to Potter is on WP)

The Lexicon lists "characters, places, creatures, spells, potions and magical devices," and it introduced one of the first timelines of all events that occur in the Harry Potter universe.

In the past, Rowling has offered high praise for the HPL. "This is such a great site that I have been known to sneak into an Internet cafe while out writing and check a fact rather than go into a bookshop and buy a copy of Harry Potter (which is embarrassing)," she says on her site. She calls the HPL "a website for the dangerously obsessive; my natural home."

As it happens the author, Steve Vander Ark landed up with publishing rights and his book was going to be published during fall and got slapped by the Rolwing and her powerful stooges.

Her attorneys claim that Vander Ark's book will compete with Rowling's own planned Potter encyclopedia; the lexicon, they say, is thus nothing more than an attempt to "make millions of dollars off the back of Ms. Rowling's creativity."

Rowling futher went on to say that she was the sole owner of the Potter world and no one had the right to re-arrange her characters, plot lines ...blah blah blah

"It is not reasonable, or legal, for anybody, fan or otherwise, to take an author's hard work, re-organize their characters and plots, and sell them for their own commercial gain. However much an individual claims to love somebody else's work, it does not become theirs to sell."

Somehow my respect for J.K has dipped even more- not only is she a coward for saying that Dumbledore was gay after all the happily ever afters but now she has turned out to be a Scrooge.

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A dyslexic fourth grader was expelled from his school for getting a stuffed toy to school:

A fourth grade Oakville student has been expelled from a Waterbury school for bringing a toy gnu onto the property. The action falls under the school district's 'zero tolerance' policy, according to administrators. Officials believe the student, who is dyslexic, tried to intentionally break the policy.

"We're convinced he intended to bring a toy gun." said Meredith Simmons, Principal of Waterbury Elementary. "His reading disability may have confused him about what is prohibited in the policy, but we can't take any chances. That's why it's called zero tolerance."

Yeah, he was gonna pull a Kill Bill with a toy gun stuffed Gnu. What a delinquent!!

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In literature as in love, we are astonished at what is chosen by others.
----------Andre Maurois

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What calms the nerves? Taking a shower, going for a walk, talking it out or just brooding works for many people, but for me, its whiskey on the rocks. I’m like one of those 50’s heroes who under stress, take that acid down in one shot or two, grit their teeth and sober down.

I walked to the bar, poured half a glass of neat whiskey, ice and a little water (water was added, for the mate was protesting) and within two gulps the drink went down. Phone calls came from family trying to make sense of my anger – ‘Calm down, have a ball, it ain’t worth your while!! what’s wrong with you? Think!!’ But I was mad, on a rampage, no hugs or humor could bring me down from my righteous pulpit, but when it hit me, it hit me hard, my nerves calmed and clarity came.

I ain’t gonna excuse using a shot of booze to sort out my head. I know there are those who’d love to show me healthier ways of managing the red tide that overtakes my sanity - yoga, meditation or breathing in the smell of flower, listen to some Yanni or some other elevator music but for me its alcohol. Think I am an alcoholic? You’d wish!! I ain’t that stupid, I ain’t saying anything in my defense. Sure, you’d like me to say I don’t drink every evening – no whiskey, no Breezer, no vodka, no beer, hell! Not even a glass of wine. I’m not gonna say anything to appease your morality, your concerns nor will I put up with your unconditional love. I don’t care nor should you that I don’t nurse my drink nor do I nurse a grudge.

Grudge - ah! The term brings to mind all the wrongs done, all the tears wiped, all the disappointments branded to the bones. Whiskey - the sweet little bottle brings to mind quiet reflections – everything that is loathsome and jetsam. Smooth is life but it’s us who complicates trivial matters, matters I can either take up or let be.

Sobriety hits when mad desperation wants to make sense of all that does go wrong and eats the soul, some hit the bottle but all I do is take a shot, use poison to calm the poison within. Poison or the darkness within; you look at the sunshine and I look at what kills us silently from within.

Do I hear you say- the fool is on one way ticket to self destruction? The fool loves to drink, loves to look at what we want to negate, remove or think doesn’t exist.

Maybe in my moments of madness I speak the truth; I strip the veneer of civilized pussy footing; some bridges I mend and some I scorch to the ground. I ain’t nursing no grudges, the bottle wouldn’t let me; as it courses in my veins, it whispers sadness, tells me that the child within me died a little more, the jaded emerging self polishes and hardens my heart a little more. No, I don’t hit the bottle at a drop of a hat, been over ten years since I let the bottle sway me senseless.

Did I just explain myself to you? Ramble on a moment of vulnerability that someone may think makes a good weapon to kill me with. Go ahead, use it; I stand before you – soul bared with all its light and dark aspects.

My fearlessness makes my love and hatred that much purer for I have nothing to hide, life is easier that way; I am whatever you think I am. I am not going to deny - all that is within is without. Every evil that exists in the world exists to some degree within me. The anger, the jealousy, the hatred, the greed; say it and I have it within me. Why deny? To some extent, I have felt them all, accepted them as unwanted guests and pondered over their unexpected arrival.

Is it the bottle talking? Nah, I am sober like a two year old at her baptism, all uppity and naive. Just telling you the way it is with me - judge me, hate me or accept me, if it makes you feel the bigger person. To me, its just one big nothing.

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“Which of your eyes do you love the most? The left or the right?”

“Huh? What are you talking about?”

“You know what I don’t like your left eye. It’s an evil eye. You need to stop seeing from that eye.”

“Wait a minute! You can’t do that- what is wrong with you?”

“Wrong with me? That eye makes you see and do evil things. It must be removed. You will still have one eye to see with. And hopefully your right eye will behave itself after the left eye is punished.”

“No please! I love my eyes.”

“Oh, I love you too but you see that eye is out of sync with the rest of the world, with us and we can’t have that. The eye must go.”

“But its not harming you, what has it done against you?”

“Its gone against everything we stand for, it shames us”

“My right eye cannot exist without the left. They see together. I cannot have one view alone.”

“Don’t you see that is what we want – we want you to see only what we see.”

Please my eyes..please!! it hurts too much, don’t ….AHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhh.”

Few hours’ later groggy self wakes up with a bandage on the left side where the eye was.

The right eye blinks and focuses on a face with a patch where the left eye was.

“Welcome back! How is your eye doing today?”

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Art frequently tears us away from our comfort zones screaming and screeching. Sometimes we are willing to tolerate what we consider offensive but then there are times when we decide enough is enough and give in to the beast and form lynch mobs. Being educated does not mean one is wise; wisdom itself is a subjective element that visits us once in a while.

People generally expect intellectuals to be wise, its given but many a times they are the ones, in their drive and idealism, who refuse to see the forest when burning the trees, mixed up my metaphors but you get what I mean.

In the 1980s, conservatives and feminists joined to fight a common nemesis: the spread of pornography. Unlike past campaigns to stamp out smut, this one was based not only on morality but also public safety. They argued that hard-core erotica was intolerable because it promoted sexual violence against women.

"Pornography is the theory; rape is the practice," wrote feminist author Robin Morgan. In 1986, a federal commission concurred. Some kinds of pornography, it concluded, are bound to lead to "increased sexual violence." Indianapolis passed a law allowing women to sue producers for sexual assaults caused by material depicting women in "positions of servility or submission or display."

The campaign fizzled when the courts said the ordinance was an unconstitutional form of "thought control."

The article in Reason Magazine goes on to talk that despite the increase of porn on the net the amount of sexual violence against women has been on a steady decline. For some this may be a matter semantics and it is a valid point. But some times one has to play the devil's advocate for the sake of ensuring freedom of speech.

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The last time I saw Duane "Dog" Chapman kick ass on t.v I thought here is a Jesus loving guy acting as the right arm of law. But recently much to my disappointment (sniff, sniff) I realized that the brawny guy lacked basic brain power:

"I thought that I was cool enough in the black world to be able to use that word as a brother to a brother," he said. "I'm not. I didn't know really know until three or four days ago what that meant to black people."

DUH!!

Kindergarten tots know not to use the 'N' word, even black mama's wack their kiddos on their heads if they use the 'N' word. You have to be Black and living out of your ma's basement to be allowed to use the 'N' word.

The apology will be accepted easily. Its always easy to be magnanimous towards an apologetic red neck;)

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His soulful eyes compelled my attention. I found myself observing his straight long hair, aquiline nose, chiseled cheekbones, thin lips, the creamy white skin and the only thought that crossed my mind- This has got to be the saddest joke to have the symbol of everything that ain't black feature as the cover page of a Black Magazine.

The headline -Michael Jackson looks whiter than white on ebony is on the mark or more like a whitened scarecrow!!

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Do you write to make your point of view known, to put your thoughts and words in front of people? If so then when you do that you automatically surrender control of how people will interpret and react to those thoughts. That shouldn't bother you. You can defend your ideas but you don not owe it to anybody to defend your personal life. That is nobody's business. When people make comments about your personal life it just tells you that they have run out of logical criticism and are resorting to random brickbats. Thats a compliment.
--------------Aditi Nadkarni

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The writers’ strike in the US began yesterday and Jon Stewart said that he would 'not' give two weeks salaries to his writers and those of Colbert Report show. Stewart does not have a bleeding heart for those whose ranks he once belonged to but the rumor of him doling out cash did make one wonder about the obscene financial gap between him and his writers.

Obviously its capitalism at work but isn’t it unfair that writers since time and memorial continue to be paid just a little more than that made by a bar maid or by those who flip burgers at greasy counters. Those who do manage to claw their way up become richer than the queen herself even when their work is at best a little better than that written by a bored housewife.

Do writers blame lady luck for their continued hand to mouth existence despite having far more brain cells than those sitting in little cubicles answering the phones or do they then blame society which uses them like disposable items- once read completely forgotten?

Writers in many ways are like entertainers but they don’t get paid the big bucks that entertainers can and do demand, even script writers for most soap operas earn just enough to pay the monthly installments for their dinky little Alto or Maruti 800 and journalists generally agree that’s it’s better to pen under a lord and master (the newspapers) rather to be a free lance writer trying to sell a story.

What’s even worse is readers don’t think twice in indulging in name calling if they don’t like a writer’s article. Most seasoned writers are quite used to it and shrug off the bad publicity as being no different from good publicity- two sides of the same coin but it’s the newbie who shed tears of blood when they get ripped apart by an irate reader. Any blogger worth his salt would tell you how nasty it feels but after a while like journalists one gets used to the volley of abuse that comes one’s way, it’s all part of the profession which just doesn’t pay.

At least those employed get paid, bloggers on the other hand mostly write for the passion, to get their voices across in the online world whereas in the past all they could hope for was a letter to the editor in a newspaper/magazine or in a All In A Day’s Work in Reader’s Digest.

The internet has opened up more venues for writers, some are able to sell their stories online, some via blogging have found fame if not fortune but those who want to earn enough to pay for rent and groceries understand that the net is for entertainment and passion but can never be a source of one’s bread and butter. Obviously when blogging cannot be treated a profession we cannot go on any sort of strike or make demands;)

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The iPod generation is all stressed out. Most will face burn outs by the time they hit their forties and even those of us still in their early thirties have started to dream about early retirement something the baby boomers dreaded in their hey days. Life was more relaxed back then but today we are the instant gratification generation and there are consequences to be faced.

People nowadays are working more, drinking more, partying more and sleeping less. Sleep deficit can cause health problems and also in some cases cause sleep walking. An article in Guardian last week talked about the frequent occurrence of sleep walking in a hotel called- Travelodge.

It was brave of Travelodge to reveal this week that in the past year more than 400 men have been found wandering naked in their sleep around its hotels, for this might very well unnerve its more sensitive customers. According to the hotel chain, the incidence of naked sleepwalking, which occurs almost exclusively among its male guests, has increased sevenfold in 12 months.

It sounds funny that there are people who walk around in their birthday suits and wind up at the lobby; something we'd think may happen in a Mr Bean episode rather than in real life. But to read sleep walking incidents have increased by seven fold within 12 months is indeed reason enough to be worried.

The author of the Guardian article also did a bit of sleeping walking once in Jamaica:

Luckily, I wasn't completely naked. I had a shirt on. But following what is now revealed to be a common pattern, I awoke at 4am in front of the hotel reception desk. The experience was odd, because I had thought I was conscious and that I had gone outside on to the balcony of my room to smoke a cigarette and admire the moon.

He may be laughing it off but it is indeed a disturbing sign. My darling hubby and my best friend tend to talk in their sleep when they've had a stressful day. Its kind of funny to hold proper sane conversation with them and tell them about it the next day but thankfully neither of them walk in their sleep.

Though sleep talking seems to be a normal phenomena suffered by both the genders it seems that sleep walking happens more amongst men than women. Could it be that their lives are more stressful or that they can't handle the stress that comes their way?

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Sometimes we have legitimate reasons to get insanely jealous of someone's talent. We look at their work, their performance and wonder where that spark of extraordinary creativity came from. We wonder why we are so mediocre in our talent and they so magnificent and the surge of insane want overcomes our senses and we want what they have- their talent, their passion, the very air that they breathe and there- right there I made myself sound like a stalker which I am not!!

Deep breaths are important and so is mental balance. What caused me to have this insane psychotic fit? Look at the art work. It is the cutest most uplifting stuff I've seen today. Click on the pic and enjoy the site; its very creative.

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Where in the world does one get a woman who thinks doing needle work is a productive activity? Well, there is a mom called Julia Roberts who thinks that being with her children, growing food in her garden, eating it and using flushable diapers are her life's mission.

A feminist's nightmare? Not really. While making inroads into the man's world why should we give up the role of being nurtures or primary care givers? Some women juggle careers and families some are just career women and some just want to be mothers, wives and friends.

Their contribution to their hearth and society are of equal importance.

In the Vanity Fair interview Julia Roberts also talked about her hubby- Danny Moder and that marrying him was the best decision she made in her life and she still wants to look pretty for him. More power to her.

Julia Roberts continues to sound like rare sane voice in a mad narcissistic world that we call Hollywood:

"I think it's just grotesque. It's like a circus sideshow. I don't know why anybody would even want to go into show business these days, with all of the different magazines and shows. It just wouldn't be worth it. And it's too fast. Before, you could build a career over years and many movies. Now it's like you do one good movie and they throw a ton of money at you and a ton of attention at you. You're being constructed outside of yourself before you even know who you are, and what you are, and how you want to do it, and why you want to do it."

Now why am I remembering Lindsay Lohan?

One thing is for sure I like Julia Roberts more so coz like her I whole heartedly support Obama and Hillary well she is the devil incarnate and soon to be the first female President of USA to bring forth the Third World War!!

Hmmm...I think I am getting head of myself ...where is my Oxycontin?

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Scientists seem to be tripping over mirror neurons which they believe as the cause for feelings like empathy and altruism:

On Nov. 4, neuroscientists announced that mirror neurons had for the first time been directly identified in humans.Enthusiasm among scientists has been spreading as growing evidence suggests that "mirrors" may explain the roots of human empathy and altruism as well as provide insight into such disorders as autism and even schizophrenia. But that's not all. In the past few years, dozens of studies have linked mirror neurons to the emergence of language, abstract reasoning and even self-awareness or consciousness. "The self and the other are just two sides of the same coin. To understand myself, I must recognize myself in other people," says Marco Iacoboni.

But there are others who are quite vocal in their descent:

The truth turned out to be much more complex," says Gopnik. "The idea that a kind of neuron alone could explain empathy or behavior or self-consciousness simply makes no sense. "It's just as likely that those neurons are mirroring because people are imitating each other and feeling empathy, not the other way around," says Gopnik.

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Selin Tamtekin, the daughter of a Turkish consular had to go into hiding for three weeks when her novel- Diplomat's Daughter shocked Turkey with its explicit story line.

The Turkish Diplomat’s Daughter is a racy roman à clef, chronicling sexual affairs with a Bangladeshi landlord, a sailor and a Freddie Mercury-obsessed fantasist.

When Turkish newspapers got hold of the book, Tamtekin admitted her identity (it is written under the pseudonym Deniz Goran) and was so roundly pilloried that worried friends dubbed her “the female Salman Rushdie”. Splashed on the front pages of at least four national newspapers, she was derided as a “high-class Mayfair prostitute” who was writing about her own thinly veiled sexual experiences. The media were astonished that not only a Turkish woman but one from the highest echelons of society had written so frankly about her sexuality.

Nothing surprising there. When Arundhati Roy's book - God Of Small Things came out , lot of eyebrows rose not only in the literary world but also amongst the so called liberal middle class. Arundhati's book was an amalgamation of gritty vulgarity and earthy writing. A book so hard to digest that most women were horrified that it was written by a female.
She blew our minds with her sarcasm and devil may care attitude and won the Booker Prize in 2002

But before Arundhati there had been other women who blew the mind of conservative India- be they scathing columnists like Shobha De or actors like Deepti Bhatnagar doing daring role in a movie like Mandi, or dancers like Protima Bedi who streaked naked on a Mumbai beach just to make a point that she didn't give a fuck about conservatives.

Why is it considered to be lose behavior on the part of a woman if she discusses sexual matters openly? Worse still why is a woman called a whore if she writes about explicit sex? Stephen King isn't some psychopath just because he wrote numerous books about blood, gore and gruesome death. What a writer writes does not necessarily reflect his life, right?

Tamtekin is unbowed and is furious about the hypocrisy. “It’s not as if no one has sex in Turkey. Of course women have sexually active lives, but they always make sure that no one hears about them. Women aren’t able to stand out as individuals and talk openly about sex or fancying men,” she says.

Even today how many women in India fearlessly address sexual matters? How many female blogs exist that talk about adult issues? Why the need for pseudonym? Why are we so scared of society's or even our own family's' backlash?

Protecting the right to freedom of speech, right to individual choice whether in sexual matters or conception are hallmarks of feminism. And yet many of us despite calling ourselves feminists shrink from addressing these issues or consider those who protest to be foolhardy.

Till we women don't deliberately grab the tiger by the tail like Selin did and show our middle finger to the patriarchal system we will remain slaves despite all the outward appearances of freedom enjoyed .

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The Desi season to be jolly is round the corner. People are having fun- getting drunk, driving drunk, running up gambling debts, buying crackers made by little hands, burning limbs and homes with unstable crackers and I am going to get stoned by people for being the royal Grinch who loves pissing on their love conquers all parade.

Make merry and have some ladoos and may all that cholesterol jam your arteries and...yeah SHUD UP DEE!!

PS: Note to the self- move the monk down- happy hours are so be-loody over!

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Why does a dictator need to declare emergency? IT's AN UNCONSTITUTIONAL GOVERNMENT!
---------Aaman Lamba

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