Things That Bang

Does this scenario sound familiar? You find yourself talking to someone other than your spouse, returning home, eating a good meal, kids are already in bed, watching some TV or getting glued to the internet and then sneaking into your bed to hear your partner's gentle snores?

If this is you, your marriage might slowly but surely be dying. When we start getting emotionally attached to people, even though the interaction is non-sexual, it is that much emotional investment that we take away from our marriages.

The dangers posed to marriages are different from what they were two or three decades ago, when we heard of people actually leaving their partners to go and live with other people. Life is more compartmentalized due to the decrease in the amount of time spent at home and more at offices, working late hours and extended work strain, leading to deep emotional attachments between individuals married to different people.

The term 'office spouse' has done the rounds in recent years and can be seen at most workplaces. Is it wrong? Those who believe in the concept say this makes their marriages stronger but it makes one wonder if we need to look outside our marriages to fulfill a need that should ideally be found within, doesn't that make the relationship hollow?

Another element is the Internet. Those hooked to the Internet realize that it is as if being in another world altogether and those who don't understand the allure of the internet find themselves cut off from the most vital aspect of their partner's life.

It isn't about the Facebook, Twitter or GTalk, its about being connected to people without any kinds of social barriers. People find themselves forming deep friendships in the online world. Second Life has been a cause of break up of marriages since the gamers get so involved in their second lives that they begin to spend most of their home time on the game and not with their families.

Being 24/7 in chat rooms has led people to lead double lives. Cyber sex may be passe for the netizens but more and more individuals with partners not interested in the online world find themselves gravitating towards like-minded netizens and their spouses feeling lonely and vaguely betrayed.  

Some call them symptoms of couples already growing apart but I see them as causes that lead otherwise unwary couples finding themselves unable to bridge the gap due to the duplicity.

The rules of protecting one's marriage have changed. It isn't the physical presence from home that goes missing, it is the withdrawal of emotional and mental connections that cripples the marriage.

It is like fighting a bogeyman that exists all in the mind.