Things That Bang

A week ago I packed my bags. I wondered whether I had put adequate t-shirts, jeans, socks, woolens, handkerchiefs, medicines and what else? And Whisper! Ah! yes, sanitary napkins. The only thing is, one feels neither sanitary nor happy..

Sure, I am happy to be a woman. I am also happy when my periods arrive since an unwanted pregnancy is any woman's nightmare but I cannot be ecstatic when I am out of commission for five whole days.

I packed my bags and stuffed in the newly packaged 'Have a Happy Period' Whisper packs. They looked the same as the other ones except for the image of sanitary napkins in the shape of petals on the cover.

Petals? Yeah sure, twisted, stinky, nauseating petals came to mind. Me sitting in a Safari Jeep going up and down the bumpy terrain trying to scout a leopard, a sloth bear, a sambhar deer came to mind along with a scary thought - how the hell would I plug the leak if my ship leaked right in the middle of the forest? What if I left a mark of my fertility on the Jeep seat?

Happy period! my blooming ass! I packed myself well. I had myself cushioned to ensure no matter what, my condition would be concealed all the way to B.R Hills. I bled and fidgeted on the car seat. Was I happy? No!

Was I happy when we reached Jungle Lodges and saw the attached loo with our tent without a Geyser? Absolutely not!!

It got cold - cold like 5 Degrees C and most guests didn't bathe. But I did. I had to. I had no choice or else the Jungle Cats would have been ripping the tent just to get to bloody old me!!

I cussed and bathed four times for the two days that we stayed at the Lodge. I didn't care whether my kids listened in to their Ma scream - Fucking Shit! Sweet Mother Of Jesus! Fucking Shit!

I wasn't happy about my condition. I couldn't go Bird Watching, couldn't go on morning safari nor for the Trek. The thought of bathing at five in the morning and then landing up with a diaper rash dampened my nature-loving instinct.

I did go for evening Safaris but I was a nasty bitch and not a happy fellow traveler. I felt like a cat wanting to scratch everyone's eyes out, I wanted to go on a rampage and bring the entire Lodge down.

I wanted to kick the damn boar that kept grunting close to the fire pit, I wanted to nurse my cup of tea in absolute silence. I wanted snarl and throw my not so happy sanitary pad at the marketing goonk who came up with the term - Happy Period.