Things That Bang

When you have small kids the world takes on the surrealism of Alice in Wonderland. Every minute spent with them or because of them is wondrous, exasperating, and insane.

Here is a quick list of what happens when you have small kids:

Your Newly Painted Walls Don't Remain Pristine Beyond The First Few Days

You may put the fear of God in them but walls in the kiddie mind are blank canvases to be expressed upon. Kiddie murals, graffiti or stickers on the walls have you cry - How could you?! How could you be so heartless? All that money spent. And the kiddie wounded eyes look back- Mommie, don't you like my picture? Mommie, don't you love me no more?!

You No Longer Know Best

We all have been there. Its the school teacher who knows best. That perky young kindergarten teacher with the easy smile becomes the love of their little lives and you their home slave. And heaven help us all if the teacher shows her clay feet and teaches them something wrong. Then its a - no, she is wrong with this one. And the reply is - no you are wrong. And the battle ensues. No she is wrong. No you. No she..no you!! No! No! No! 

Kiddie Puke Doesn't Seem All That Bad

The little one falls sick and throws up on you. Bits of regurgitated food stuff sticks your clothes to your skin. The child sees the mess and gets more upset and cries. Your heart breaks and you hold the kid closer to your heart crooning away. What puke?

Or you are sitting in a restaurant and a kid throws up on the next table. You pause for a minute to see if the parents have got it and when assured they know what to do you resume eating. Kiddie puke no longer revolts you.

You Are Always Sleep Deprived

Even on a ordinary night you find you really cannot sleep as if dead to the world. That parental ear is always on the alert. A small cry or a childish whisper against your ear has you awake in a jiffy. 

Dirt Comes Home To Stay

You may be a complete psycho when it comes to cleanliness but kids revel in dirt. They return home covered in dirty after school. Dirt hides under their finger nails, behind their ears, their hair and even in their shoes. And despite the scrubbing the story repeats itself the next day.

You Ban Colas And Junk Food From The House

Gone are the days when you kept Doritos, Pringles, Coke/Pepsi in your home. Its all about fruits, vegetables, whole grained breads and lean meats. You start thinking organic and may even want to hug a tree.

You Cannot Turn a Deaf Ear To The Sibling Fights

They get up fighting, they go to sleep fighting. They fight in the car, at the grocery store, in the bathroom while brushing their teeth, while eating, while studying and even fight with each other while sleeping! The fights drive you insane and though you tell yourself- Deaf ear! I will turn a deaf ear. You find yourself mouthing the same words that your mother hollered at you when you and your siblings drove her mad.

You Become A Kid Yourself

Now that is the pleasure of being in the company of young ones when adults can get away clowning. You can come up with weird nonsensical songs, tease them, play with them or just act plain silly and they love you for it.

You Come To Appreciate Your Parents

Between all the worry and being driven crazy by the little ones, your own childhood memories flash in your mind and you remember the times you drove your parents over the bend with worry. And you tend to respect them even more for being able to bring you up in one piece. 

You Feel For Parents With Kids Throwing Tantrums

Even the most angelic child has a meltdown period when she is inconsolable. And if it happens in public the parents especially those who are new to the game suffer tremendously. The veteran parents generally feel surge of sympathy for those suffering at the little hands. Exceptions are always there at the same time.  

You Find Food Stored In Your Couch

Yeah, dig deep enough and you fill find cookies or bread down there. Don't believe me try it!

You Find Your Kid Wants To Visit The Loo Just When You Sit Down To Eat

Just as you taste your food. the whine, I gotta pee has you groaning. Its as if their sixth sense is geared to know when you are about to finally sit down and eat.

You Finally Get A TV In Your Bedroom

You may not be gung ho about television but find you cannot watch movies or programs of adult nature in the living room even when kids are fast alseep in their beds. The idiot box comes to stay forever in your bedroom.

Your TV Screen Or PC Screen Always Has Kiddie Finger Prints

Again, fear of god, mother or father doesn't work. They can't help their little hands. Hands are, after all, there to touch and feel especially anything that is electronic!

The Kids' Pediatrician Knows You By Name And Also Your Woes

A worried parent is a common sight and a knowledgeable pediatrician with a gentle bedside manner  sooths the parent as well as the sick child. Medicine provides most of the remedy but a calm collected parent infused with confidence provided by a good doctors helps tide over the ailment smoothly. 

You No Longer Remain A Night Bird Or You Burn Your Candles On Both Ends

Early to bed, early to rise makes a child bright eyed and bushy tailed and the parent? The parent remains blurry eyed till the first cup of coffee and then the grind begins from six in the morning till twelve in the night. 

You Find Yourself Laughing Despite Yourself

So the kid does something so insanely naughty that you find yourself overwhelmed with anger and you think that you are gonna be mad with your little person through the day but just a minute later that little person does something so funny or endearing that you cannot help but laugh. Emotions swing up and down through the day and in the end before you tuck your precious bundle in you remind the little one that you love her more than life itself.