Things That Bang

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You know despite all the years of tiffs and sullen moments you are happily married when:

1. You pull the blankets cover your kids and then over your sleeping spouse.
2. You share the last bite of your favorite chocolate with your spouse.
3. You hold yourself back from watching a show or movie so that you can watch it with your spouse.
4. You call up your spouse the instant something funny, weird or sad happens.
5. You make it habit to let your spouse know where you are going to be through the day.
6. You feel happy when your spouse's car pulls in the driveway or you two take an off in the middle of the week just to have some fun.
7. You and your spouse wake up in the middle of the night and start talking
8. You retain your sense of humor when your spouse gets grumpy.
9. You still want to jump each others bones despite work and family pressure.
10. You make special effort to be on amicable terms with your spouse's family and friends.
11. You know when your spouse is wearing something new or has a hair cut.
12. You rarely forget each other's birthdays.
13. You listen to your spouse's crappy music selection for ten straight minutes.
14. You let your spouse have the last word despite knowing you are right.
15. You still feel as if you just got married and love to look at your wedding pictures.
16. And most importantly you still continue to have fun with each other.

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There is no denying the fact that Sach Ka Saamna is an obscene show that thrives on voyeurism and titillation. The polygraph machine is used as the god who judges whether the answers provided by the contestants are true or false and there is no way of knowing whether the show is rigged or not.

The government has slapped a show-cause notice on Star Plus that hosts the show:

The ministry has found Sach Ka Saamna violative of Articles 6(1) a, d, i and o of the programming code of the Cable TV Network Act, 1995. “A show-cause notice has been issued to Star Plus in light of the Rajya Sabha discussion. The channel has been asked to respond by 4 pm on July 27,” a ministry official said.

Recently another form of entertainment that found itself in a hot spot was Savita Bhabhi, a pornographic cartoon site, which quietly folded up after being banned by the government and due to the censorship and family pressure suffered by the owner of the site.

Savita Bhabhi was vulgar and so stupidly nymphomanic that no one in their right mind took her seriously. But she was pillaged by certain sections of the society and the government who wanted to save the honor of the Indian women and ensure the young impressionable minds remained incorruptible.

Similarly Kamal Akhtar of Samajwadi Party rose to save the honor of Indian society by wondering what impression was made on the husband when his wife was asked a lewd question and the polygraph machine said her reply was false.

He left out the entire background story that the wife with her husband's consent was cleaning her dirty laundry in public. No one forced her into it and she was an adult who knew what she was getting into.

As the host of Sach Ka Saamna Rajeev Sabharwal notes,

I am happy to see my country evolving. I was so moved while shooting each episode and i am so glad that there were so many who felt the same while watching it. This means that we are willing to break free from our pseudo approach to others. Double standards are dying. We cant have one rule for us and another one for someone else. As you watch other episodes unfold onscreen you will be pleasantly shocked and surprised to see that there are some people who will deserve a standing ovation not for what they have done but for the way they came forward, apologized and confessed. We all commit mistakes and we all hurt our close ones but how many of us accept it leave alone confessing and apologizing?

He goes on to add about the first contestant,

I spoke to Smita Matai a few days back. It was one of the happiest moments of my life when she told me that everyone who walks up to her feels proud to have met her. People on the roads and in multiplexes where she has visited off late do not just recognize her but also acknowledge her courage and confidence. And more then that she and Tony(her husband) have come even more close since the episode was air. Isn't it a reflection of a growing, mature and positive India.

The viewers too watched the show on a paid channel on their own volition. But these facts are of little relevance to those who hold the reins of our country or to the moral brigade who want to save our country from 'Western' influences.

They deny the existence of Indian aunties who in their see through nighties knock on the door of bachelors asking for sugar or the ladies in lonely marriages having discreet affairs. The underbelly of India is voracious in its sexual appetite and yet a handful of middle class prudes get to decide the moral code of an entire nation.

They’d rather we all sat and watched dumb pativrta Ekta Kapoor wives weeping their wimpy eyes over their tall fair silent husbands instead of paying heed to dark fantasies or observing others who bare their souls for money.

What is also blatantly denied is that shows like Sach Ka Saamna and pornographic sites enjoy a massive Desi fan base.

Or they probably believe that we, like little kids, need to be saved from ourselves.

Fat chance of that happening since the Desi public in general are Johns addicted to the incorrigible salacious whore called Liberty who finds some alley or dark corner to spread her legs and provide illicit pleasure. But once she becomes main stream death by the conservative batons is assured.

The Desi Johns, however, continue to thrive and move on to greener pastures and Liberty finds herself born again in some other net cafe or titillating television channel. The Johns along with those who 'merely' come along for the ride cheer her along till the lights come up and she is bludgeoned to death.

With every rebirth, she leaves a stronger impact on society. Her past sin seems less shockable than her present deeds and with every violent act committed against her more insidious do her disciples get in bringing about her re-birth and renewal.

The moral brigade scream hoarse in the halls of Parliament or push ban buttons while sitting smug on their bureaucratic chairs but till the time the Desi Johns have libidos and Janes giggle their consent, Liberty returns only to die again and in the process lays out our whorish natures to the sun a little more.

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Sunday lunches are supposed to be grand affairs, at least in the Punjabi household. When we were kids, my mom used to make special food for us, starting from breakfast till dinner time. I remember getting up at 7:30 to study while mom cooked and then we'd sit down with our breakfast to watch Star Trek. Even at the age of six I found Captain Kirk to be a hottie and I'd keep my eyes trained on him while wolfing down Aloo Tikkies stuffed with peas and thin carrots, along with fresh juice.

Come lunch time, the food used to either be Maa ki Dal or Rajma Chawal. Depending upon the season, we got carrot juice, mango shake, or Lassi. There were always at least two side vegetable dishes and salad.

After lunch, my dad used to have his habitual afternoon siesta and mom would have her afternoon tea with my grandmother.

During evenings we would be fed again - milk and either Fryums or Pakoras. It was a marvel that we three girls remained skinny despite the food we were fed. Then again there was no concept of processed food nor were sodas encouraged in our house.

Dinner was another grand affair though ma firmly believes that rice should not be had at night. So generally we had Chappaties, fresh sabzis and dal.

On school days we never got the same tiffin twice. My mother firmly believed in feeding her family right and as we girls grew up, she gently tried to cajole us to take interest in cooking but we continued to give passive-aggressive responses- Cooking? Making the dough? Definitely tomorrow, mom!

She never insisted for she knew once we were married and had kids we'd be chained to the kitchen as well. In her own words, she said that we women could rise to the highest pinnacles of our careers but the kitchen couldn't be avoided.

Its been eight years to my marriage and I find myself chained to the kitchen and not half a good cook as my mom. I still call her up long distance to ask her for recipes and her words would be the same- Why didn't you learn to cook when I asked you to?

Cooking my mom's recipes are simple and yet not the usual where one throws in the spices, fries the onions and then the tomatoes to make the masala and then the vegetables. There are variations - some subzis require the combination of garlic and ginger, some just either of them and some require cumin seeds, or coriander seeds or Ajwain seeds. Then again some require onions after the vegetables were put in and some with or without tomatoes or onions.

Even after following her recipes sometimes the result was not the same and I would again call her up and be told- you put too much tomatoes or too much onion. I would start grumbling as to why my food never tastes as good as my mom's.

The answer however is always clear. I don't express love in the food I cook. I cook because I have hungry mouths to feed. My mom, on the other hand, cooks because she takes pride feeding her loved ones. She thinks in terms of nutrition and I think in terms of an extra dish causing me to slave over the stove some more.

People who know my mom admire her not only for her gentle nature but for her culinary talents. While I was visiting my phufarji he remarked that my mom's food is the best he has eaten. There was always a good spread, no matter how many family members sat at her table.

Even now, when people either come over for lunch or dinner my mom before leaving for her college (she is a professor) gets up at 4 in the morning to cook.

My mom does not believe in eating out. Her mantra is simple- one does not gain weight with home food and she encourages me to be more proactive in the kitchen and not take the easy way out my eating out and wants me to pack tiffin for Aaman.

The thought of packing a tiffin for Aaman complete with salad and butter milk makes me groan but that's what my mom used to do for my dad, come hail or sunshine.

Since Aaman and I decided to eat out less, I've been finding myself in the kitchen more often and I've lost my passion for cooking but my mom in her gentle ways reminds me that the health of my family lies in my hands and nutrition has to go with taste or else kids won't eat the food.

So, nowadays I find myself making daily menus and though I'm finally falling into the rhythm of daily cooking I don't think I can ever make it a habit to have a daily lavish spread.

Maybe its a generation thing or maybe its just me.

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Behind the happy homosexual smiles there generally are lost humans who have risen like a phoenix in the midst of pain and wretched soul searching. The gays who stepped out of the closet and took on great risks like rejection from their own blood and death at the hands of a brutal world.

In urban India where we are always looking over our shoulder, society self destructs. Whether it be protest against caste, religious restrictions, education, or choice of sexuality, these are the boundaries that if broken incur socio-familial wrath. Yet people rebel against the supposed morals, traditions and values that have led to discord, disharmony and many a times suicide by those unable to grapple the trauma caused by outdated conservatism.

Those who stick on to archaic patriarchal practices are also inevitably homophobic in their outlook. The fact is now our fundamentalists have finally found a common cause to be united against - to beat up the faggot and the butch!! And as usual they make homosexuals the bogeymen out to prey on the children. Yes, it’s always about the children. The last desperate straw when invoking the message of a homophobic god fails- think about the children!

In this brutal environment there are few straight people who stand by gay friends and wonder how they survived the brutal Indian environment where disdain and most of the times violence was committed against them. There are very few of us who in social occasions and even in the midst of family with sure voices say that we have no problems if our children are gay.

When homosexuals rise from the ashes and reach for the rainbows, how can heterosexuals sit back and not be part of the extraordinary unfolding? The triumph of the human spirit cannot be denied.

Only when the heterosexuals stand by them shoulder to shoulder and give them the courage to come out of the closet will they breathe easier in a country which they call their own and yet live in fear or suffer loneliness. When we are willing to take a brick meant for them will the country change.

This isn’t a fight against the morals or values of the country. Gays love and live like us. They dream of happily ever afters; they dream of acceptance from family, sincere friendships, of having their own families, or simply the desire to be treated as human without being judged.

Today, I am proud of being from Delhi - the capital of India where to love under the rainbow is perfectly legal.

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