Things That Bang

Site A Staked Claim Of A Scared Mind

So my readership plummeted from the tallest building this side of the earth. I haven't been updating the one thing I fought tooth and nail to keep alive couple of years back and at one point I even considered shutting down the site. Let the grassy knolls cover the ground and I would disappear into an unknown existence. Passion for online publishing left me and I began to float on the river of life like debris . No struggle, no breath to be taken. Writing died a quiet death and yet resurrection continued to wait patiently around the corner. Anything could have caused the spark to become a roaring bone fire and I'd be transported to a universe where words streamed from my mind to the medium of communication. But to stay in that rhythm is hard for the world always beckons and if not the world the internal resistance to expressing all that is grand brings the work to a grinding halt. And for someone like me those moments are plenty. Its kind of tough to believe my work is grand. Its like hearing -- 'you are pretty' and not believing it. In a twisted way being humble means not accepting what makes usbest and we let the doubts gnaw at our talents till there is nothing left but a mass of quivering desperation to break free. The world doesn't beat us down. The world is what the world always has been. We do it to ourselves. We beat ourselves down and lock away what we are good at. And thats whats happened here. I locked away what is the best of me and threw away the key down a endless ravine. The fears are all mine. None were sown in me but were born from my own drowning insecurities. The site continues to be a part of me. A reflection of a writer's mind and its diminishing presence a staked claim of a scared mind.